Two dogs went out for a walk. Then their master took them home.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

The feds ruined the first underground, so in order for this to not happen you joined them?

thumb_up thumb_down -19

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse responds "I have cancer"

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Your mom is so stupid that she failed out of high school and now has two jobs to support her family.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

A rooster lays an egg on the tip of a roof. Which side does it fall to? Roosters don't lay eggs

thumb_up thumb_down -19

My girlfriend says i cant finish a sentence properly dripping horse cum fetus rape.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What looks like mud, smells like mud and eats mud? An African

thumb_up thumb_down -19

And you honored it I see :P

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Wha....You probably shouldnt read the rest of this because i lie a lot (This joke deserves lots of thumbs and comments!)

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did the elderly lady cross the road? Because an atomic bomb was exploding behind her

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How many Jews can you fit in a car? It really depends on the make and model of the car, as well as the relative size and weight of the people in question, but legally you can only have as many people in the car as there are seatbelts available for them.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue I Have Somthing To tell you F*** You

thumb_up thumb_down -19

So 2 guys are curious if there is baseball I heaven... So they say when either of them dies they have to come back as a spirit and tell the other man if there is baseball in heaven One of the guys dies and comes back as a spirit... He comes to the other man and says... I've got some good news and some bad news The man says what's the the good news? The spirit says the good news is there is baseball in heaven So the man says what's the bad news?? The spirit says... Your pitching Tuesday night!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

In your case, maybe because it is time to stop thinking so much, and begin living life, if the world cannot appreciate a wise man such as yourself, maybe that man should stop being wise, and begin being happy.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

You dork, seriously, the comment where I mentioned that I am married is like 60000 comments PAGES behind. What? Now you ashamed of losing your, I mean I can say that I am your first right? That I am going to stick my MANFLESH into your CHERRY AND POP IT RIGHT? JUST TRYING TO BE SUBTLE HERE! Seriously though, Your name is really Tifa? And you look a FUCKING HELL A LOT Like Tifa From Final Fantasy... You know, except she has gigantic feet and no lips and you know...

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What has two legs and bleeds between them? The back half of a dog with a deep cut in its belly.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that : L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

thumb_up thumb_down -19

frogs are green and grass is greener i just blew up ur mom and ur the cleaner now get to work SLAVE

thumb_up thumb_down -19

ok, so a blue flower in a meadow dances valiantly, while being watched by a chipmunk. the king of the sky fairies ate an apple and a chicken and a pear, and a cumkwuat and frog legs and a bone and a library and a jeep and fig and a rhino and a sword but fairies don't have that big of mouths to eat all of that, so this never happened

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

"Why can't you hear pterodactyl when it goes to the bathroom?" "Because the pee is silent?" "No, because they are dead, you idiot."

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How do you put a baby to sleep? Snap its neck.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why is adam jackson so black when his parents are white? their was alot of black dick up their during the pregnency. (once you go black, you NEVER go back!)

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb? You wouldn't be able to count them if it were dark.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops