There once was a man from Peru, he dreamt he was eating his shoe, he then woke up, took a shower, changed, and drove to work.

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What do you call an armless legless man swimming? Dead

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Fire is red Water is blue Earth is brown Air is transparent

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What do You call a man with no arms or legs? Dead, He died of blood loss 3 hours ago

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How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a would chuck could chuck wood? Home depot

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knock knock whose there? suck my a s s barf

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"Hheheheh Hey Butthead"- "Were Gonna Score!"

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Why is Evan short? He was born that way.

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What do you call a magic owl? HOO-DINI!

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a terrorist.

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( . Y . )

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I <3 Hitler

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How many girls does ittake to screw in a lightbulb? Doesnt matter as long as dinner is on the table by 6:00

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Today is March 22.

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Yo momma's so fat that she's gotta get a special door that will allow her to get through.

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If you have a dinosaur, how many bicycles do you need to do your homework? Yes, because chewing gums would ask if Greg can go to the handball match.

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I went up to my friend and she said to me, "Foop." I calmly went to the nearest teacher and told her that Susie is having a mental breakdown again

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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How do you make a baby stop crying? Make it smell its own diaper then, drown it in its own tears.

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Q: Why did George Lopez walk into a Taco Bell? A: To purchase a 5-layer Gordita Burrito

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What do you get when you cross a confused man and an anti-social woman? I don't know, go away.

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A man walks into a bar. He says "ow."

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Roses are red violets are blue I have outsimers Wait what?

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Do you know what color comes after 9?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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