Hit me and kick me were on a log. Hit me fell off, swan to shore, and went home.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Three jews walked into a bar I lied, it was a gas chamber

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Yo momma is so fat, that when I went over to your house and accidentally stepped on a skateboard, yo momma came out and said "get the %$^# off the skateboard!"

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How does shit taste?\ Good.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How to find if your overweight? Ask your friend to make a big clay volcano, out of baking soda and vinegar. While its erupting if you're too busy eatin five course dinner. FAT

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why was the chicken afaid to cross the road? because there was no road.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's sicker than "Friday" by Rebecca Black? Hitler's kill death ratio

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Whats long, green and falls out of trees? A canoe. Why did the old man fall out of the tree? He was in the canoe.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What do you call a stupid anti-joke? Stupid.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

If you driving a jetski and the wheeles fall off how many screws does it take to fix the dog house? BLUE PAINT

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What did Katniss say to her sister? hi

thumb_up thumb_down -13

gay porn...

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What happened to Kurt Cobain? He committed suicide. He shot himself in the head with a shotgun and then he died.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Whats sadder than a lost baby deer? Im too lazy too think of the rest of the joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What's better than being in the special olympics? Not being retarded.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What did the Nazi Death Camp Guard say to the escaping prisoner? - Nothing. He shot him in his face.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What building has the most stories? The Burj Khalifa.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A duck walks ino a bar...... f*ck this sh*t im going to candy land.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

what do you call a ginger......... billy and mickee.......

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What's better than winning the lottery? Winnig the lottery twice.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

KNOCK KNOCK who's there? hello is anybody there? hello?....... .....the number your trying to reach has been removed please hang up the door knob and put the squirrel back in the lawnmower were it belongs.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

who can beat up superman doomsday, duh, he killed him

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops