save me from the nothing ive become

thumb_up thumb_down -22

My mother-in-law fell down a stairway. I turned to my wife and said “Call an ambulance!!”

thumb_up thumb_down -22

what did the old lady die of old age...

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Nope, but yeah Felix looks a lot like Mickey Mouse, I think, nah it was Oswald the Lucky rabbit I believe, and he used to get his ass kicked by... Damn, what`s the name of the fat cat that beat up Mickey in steamboat willie?

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why didn't the boy eat his food? because he wasn't hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

On the dora show when they asked where the Monster was why did the arrow point left instead of right?? Because it was scared

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What did Helen Keller name her children? Nothing, since she didn't have any.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Yo mama so fat , when she went to the doctors office and stepped on the scale they said please, your weight, not your phone number .

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What did the man say before he killed himself? I am going to kill myself

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Sorry, had it not been for my contacts, you would all have ended up in prison because of "The Wiz", I know you got a clean plate, but this guy was doing some seriously dirty laundry claiming to be working for "The Order", again it is best you all keep low, I will make sure my men evacuate this place as soon as we have rigged the game to your favor. As far as we can tell, he was the only one leaking Intel, but I suggest you keep an close eye on the rest of your boys and girls.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

When I eat Mi Familia Mexica food, it burns when I go to the bathroom. Is that bad?

thumb_up thumb_down -22

I want to make a lamp shade out of your skin, because you light up my life.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Q: Why was the boy so sad? A: His parents were just killed in a car wreck, therefore orphaning him and his five brothers and sisters and leaving them with no money, food, or shelter due to lack of steady income and the fact that their house had been foreclosed on.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

How many jews does it take to stop hitler. no one knows they didn't

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Oh, hi Dave, come inside.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Did you hear about the Englishman who ran all the way to Loch Ness? Oh, that's a shame, because I didn't either.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A black guy and an apple fall out of a tree, which one hits the ground first? They both hit the ground roughly at the same time, because the acceleration due to gravity is constant.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

How can you tell if a joke is skept? Tell it to raysean and see if he laughs

thumb_up thumb_down -22

How did Hitler fit 100 Jews in his car? Ashes don't take up much space.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What did the paper say to the pen? Nothing, they are inanimate objects!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What do you call a black kid with no parents? A black orphan.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What's green, grows in my basement, and if fun to smoke? Mold. I lied about it being fun to smoke.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why did the meme cross the road? MEME XD

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops