A wooly mammoth and a dodo bird walk into a bar. Just kidding.

Why did the chicken cross the road? So he could walk into the mall and kill hundreds of innocent lives and leave thousands wounded.

A guy sitting at a bar was getting really impatient for his drink, so when the bartender asked if everything was fine, he yelled, "No, it's not! Where the f*** is my drink?!" The bartender replied, "I'm not sure what you're asking, 'cause I don't know what letters the asterisks are replacing."

What makes men cry? The realization that humanity is completely pointless in the infinitely expanding universe and thus any action to try and improve human life is also a complete farce.

Nickelback.

"Sh*t!" cursed the man. "You're such a potty mouth!" replied the unamused toilet.

why'd the chicken cross the road? he didn't what kind of farmer lets their chickens out on the streets, they get crunk you know

And so the Lord said unto John "Come forth and receive eternal life," but John came fifth, and won a toaster instead.

Three blonds walk into a bar ... They said ouch!

What did the fat guy say after his weight-reduction surgery? I'm gonna sue the clown pants out of McDonalds

I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

Why were there a series of riots in london? The police shot and killed a man who was threatening them and thus caused his friends to get angry and caused other people to lose control.

How do you change you dishwasher into a snowblower? Give her a shovel.

CORRECTION TO THE COMMENT BELOW! Its a WIN/WIN/WIN/WINWINWINWINWINWIN (WIN For at least 30 more minutes)/CUUUUM!/"SORE ASS WHINING CHILD Gonna grow into a slut SITUATION!" friendly r*pist neighbourhood Moral Man The Anti-Christ: Do not thumb me down unless you want to feel the big burning hot spear of darkness, and you do not... You better don`t be or become a sore ass kid you allshole if you know what I am saying... Yeah! Thats right! You better fear me! Because the angrier you look... The more offended you become... The better you are starting to look...

Why did the black man go to prison? He committed a crime that had a penalty of several years in the state penitentiary.

Q: why does the fire breather hate his job A: his parents were burned to death MR

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead all walk into a bar. They order martinis and have a nice evening.

Why did the boy jump off a bridge? Because he saw it on tv

Why is it when birds fly in a "V" shape one side is longer? There's more birds on that side.

Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. Our fast paced American society holds little value for birds of any species and this particular chicken was flattened by Ford F-150.

What do you put in a toaster? Toast, oh wait, it's bread

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was black.

Have you seen the Hobbit? Yes they're taking him to Isengard

Why did the chicken cross the road? To avoid the avoid the nuclear bomb at hiroshima

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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