I like my coffee how I like my women. Without a penis. - Blake Woodman

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Q: What do you call a cow with no legs? A: Lunch.

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What do you call it when the sh*t hits the fan? The sh*t hits the fan.

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What has 3 legs? An abnormal human.

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How did the fat woman survive the car accident? She had on her seat belt.

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whats worse than vegetables? Fisting Grandmas

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No really, try this: You: Say "knock, knock" Your friend: OK, knock knock You: Who's there? Your friend: ...... [this awkward pause makes evident the fact that it has now dawned on your friend that he has to generate content for a joke that he wasn't telling in the first place]

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Q: What do you call a grammatically incorrect horse? A: An horse

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Two cannibals were eating a man, one at the top and one at the bottom. The cannibal at the top said, "are you having fun down there?" The cannibal at the bottom said, "yeah, I'm having a ball!"

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Q: What do you call Justin Bieber with a penis? A: Darn good plastic surgery.

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An Irish man walks into his home and orders a drink.

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Roses are red Violets are astronaut This joke didn't make sense I'll kill u with a rake

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My girlfriend once told me " Life is like a penis, it's hard."

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theres a mexican women and a black man in a car....whos driving? nobody sadly the driver was shot.

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who is gay and sits next to me in my architecture class? James and austin!!!!

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a black man and his girlfriend are in a car, who is driving? the cop

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What do you call a man with a spade in his head? An ambulance.

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i'm funny

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How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? a lot.

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Knock Knock… Who is there? Orange. Orange Who? Orange you glad I didn't say banana? Actually I really wish you did, because I am Hypokalemic and am about to die you asshole.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Someone threw birdseed.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Roses are gray Violets are gray I'm colorblind.

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Did you hear about the guy who fell out of the stands at the ranger game? He died.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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