squirrels playing in the street=dez bryant playing tennis

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why did the kid raise his hand in class because he had a question

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If your uncle helped you off An horse, would you help your uncle jack off an horse?

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Ill do a lot more than just try you, anyways, technically I learned to play the piano as a kid, but now I play on a small cheap keyboard (the musical kind) and sincerely, I kinda suck at it now, my abusive parents expected perfection beat the shit out of me blahblahblah, thats really all of it, trauma. My senses, well, when I was a kid I was terrified of gravity (one of the rarest fears in the world) because I had no idea I was consciously shifting things myself. So lets say... If I somehow end up hanging upside down, I just shift it, so my brain believes I am not and I experience no discomfort, there is a lot more to it, ill tell you, damn nose wont stop bleeding and my waifu got a bit scared, she got some bad bronchitis and she still has not recovered a 100 percent, but its just the cough now though... Lets just say that my ability to balance, is about 300-500 percent higher than any regular human, and that I can stand on one leg enough to beat the guiness record book 50 times... ...IIIIF I was in good shape, which I am not.

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I couldn't afford a hair cut... So i contracted cancer.

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How do you know that an elephant has been in your refrigerator? The door is ripped off and the refrigerator is lying on it's side. All the shelves are strewn around the floor and your food has been partially eaten or simply crushed. You also have costly damage done to your house and most likely a frightened elephant in your house

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Barack Obama and a kangaroo pull up to a gas station. The gas station attendant takes one look at the kangaroo and says, "You know, we don't get many kangaroos here." Barack Obama replies, "At these prices, I'm not surprised. That's why we need to reduce our dependence on foreign oil."

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Q: Why did the plane crash? A: Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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What is more dangerous than heroine? T.J. Lane

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melon

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one day i went to bed

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family

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Why couldn't the girl brush her hair? Because she had leukemia

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Do you ride the bus to school or do you take your lunch?

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What would the world be like without 1 direction it would still be the world but just without 1 direction

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Roses are red Here is something new Violets are violet NOT FUCKING BLUE

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Why couldn't the cat drink his milk? Because he didn't have a face

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What do a Penguin, and your best friend have in common? They'll both die if you shoot them in the head.

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O'Malley, an Irishman; Adam, a Jew; and Patrick, a gay man, walk into a bar. Oh crap. I just outed Patrick.

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Your so fat that you have a 75% chance increase of dying from congenital heart failure.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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Mirror mirror on the wall. Why can't I see?

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Violets are Blue, Roses are Red, skip the bull$%!#, and give me head

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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