Why was the man crying? He just got called and the doctor confirmed he had AIDS.

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Why did the bear turn red? Because he was emBEARessed. Nah just kidding, a hunter shot him.

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Patient: Doctor, I was cleaning my glass eye and accidentally swallowed it. Doctor: OK. Lean over and spread your legs. Patient: (Leans over and spreads his legs). Doctor: My God! This is the first time, in all my years of practice, that I've ever seen an asshole looking back at me

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Roses are red, Potatoes are yellow, ERMAHHHGERDDD PERRDERRRDERRR

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Why did the black man grab and tie up the white woman? Because the white woman was a serial killer who has been on the FBI's most wanted list for killing children.

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How can you ruin someone's day? Tell them their mother has cancer. No really, I found out my mom has cancer a week ago.

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Hey, in case you are around and still wonder how he got out. Anonymous tip from yours truly, if he had remained there, you would all have taken the blame. Just stay away from the deep web, and I wont be forced to come get all of you as well. For a long while I was suspicious that you might have been leaking information regarding me and all of us, but then the rules changed and information regarding Point Zero, subtle hints and such, began spreading, it has been removed, nobody will know what Intel was sold, so yeah, he was a mole, he is no more, for this I am sorry.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Steve. Steve who? Steve Johnson, and I'm legally obligated to inform you that I'm a sex offender.

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A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

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Whats the difference between a bottle of coke and a black man stuck in a phone booth? one of them is comparing himself to a bottle of coke, the other is a bottle of pepsi

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Why did the man have a bad day? Well first of all, his wife left him, then his two kids both committed suicide, then a large falcon pecked at his genital area. After that he proceeded to be hit by a car, and soon after he was hit by a bus. Following this, his corpse was raped by a transvestite pig, and then finally his spirit got hit by a plane on its way up to heaven, knocking it to Hell.

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Why did the camel climb Mount Everest? Actually, he wasn't a camel, he was a very experienced mountain climber. In any case no one really knows why he did it.

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John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt has a really long name.

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So a baby seal walks into a club.

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How do you make an ugly person not ugly? Put a bag over their head. With,, a smiley face.

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What do you call the black stuff in between an elephant's toes? Depending on the location of the elephant it is either dirt or it may be tar in the case of an elephant in captivity.

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How many owls can you fit in a bath tub?

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what do you call a white man who appears to be standing on water? a surfer

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Why wouldnt you want to hit a black man that is on a bike with your car? It mite be your bike

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What do you call a person with an eye patch, no arms, and a mohawk? A person with an eye patch, no arms, and a mohawk.

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Knock knock. Whos there? I am you dumbass im standing right next to you.

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If I earned a dollar for every time you've said, "I'm too old for this sh*t," I wouldn't have made very much money. You are a giraffe.

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A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender says, "Why the short face?"

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Why did the white man beat the black man in a fight? The white man was bigger. Also, he was a black belt in Brazillian Jiu Jitsu.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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