This is a shovels and rakes conversation. No hoes allowed.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because he was content where he was.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What has two legs and bleeds between them? The back half of a dog with a deep cut in its belly.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

So a jelly bean walks into a bar. The bartender asks him "whatchuu doin here jelly bean" the jelly bean doesn't respond and sits there awkwardly because he neither speaks English nor has the brain capacity to move or breathe. The bartender closes the store and comes back the next day to find the bean in the same awkward position.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What's the difference between a person who can differentiate an anti-joke from a joke and one who cannot? Other than being able to tell the difference between the two types of humour, it is impossible to tell, as no further information is given.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What did Soviet children dream about? Communism.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore? A:porn

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Knock knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad your whole family isn't dead from a fatal car accident?

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why did the overweight black man wake up & then not get out of bed? He was paraplegic.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What did the starving african child get for his birthday Ebola

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Knock Knock Who's there? Charles Grodin. Charles Grodin who? Exactly.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

A rabi a priest and a gay guy are praying. The rabi says amen the priest says amen the gay guy says ahh men.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Q: Do you know what you can make when you have enough cents? A: Dollars

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What's small, furry and looks like a mouse? Most probably a mouse but given the large number of mammals with similar appearances to a mouse it could easily be a shrew, vole or even a rat if you don't know your rodents very well.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What's the biggest lie you've ever told? "I have read and agree to the Terms of Service"

thumb_up thumb_down -23

your mom is so ugly that she is still a virgin, you don't exist you are just a figment of my imagination.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Why did the piece of gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chicken's foot.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Q.) What do you call a black man on the moon? A.) An astronaut.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

why did the chicken cross the road? because the 99p mcdonalds mayo chicken was popular in the coop.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

what did one wall say to the other wall Nothing because its physically impossible for walls to talk

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!!!! lolooloL!OL!olO!LO!Lo!l!LO!L!O11P!lOL!oO!l

thumb_up thumb_down -23

girl. have you seen my duck man. yes he is with me right now girl rely you have him man. yes in my diner girl. d.i.c.k. man.f u

thumb_up thumb_down -23

fhfhfjjil;tyjgfkileg ryj ftrgndfhuiltyjgn

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops