Two peanuts are walking down the street. One of them was a salted Peanut

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"the president is black, my lambo's blue..." no hes not, hes bi-racial.

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i was born with 99 medical problems, and the difficulty to count till 100.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

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what in the world is smarter than the world's smartest man? Nothing he is the smartest man.

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A man walks into a bar. He orders a drink.

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A Chinese man and an African man walk into a bar. Its good to see so much multiculturalism in a usually racist society.

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Why does the man have mayonaise in his pants? A: I don't know, I was hoping you could tell me.

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Hey Patrick what am i ? Ebola No im Texas! What's the difference?

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Yeah, "master hypnotists" (and do not even get me started on hypnotherapists, they completely suck!) keep claiming that you need to keep up to date with the "constantly developing art of hypnosis" The thing is though, that hypnosis does not develop itself, people develop it further, and when the key ingredient is actually believing things under a certain state, you can do anything, even slow the passage of time to a halt. Once I tried that, I was disappointed when I figured out that it did not work, so I went shopping (for groceries), then realized that no time had passed at all, sounds like bullshit, and yeah I wont be trying that again anytime soon, lucid dreaming is good enough, you can spend hours and hours in a lucid dream state, days, and then wake up and figure out you slept like two hours or something.

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How do you fit four gay on a bar stool? Divide the given space into fourths and convince them to share it accordingly. However, due to the fact that bar stools are significantly smaller than the average chair, and the likelihood that the bar has the resources to provide chairs for all of their customers, it would be highly unlikely that the men would choose be remain seated in such an inconvenient manner.

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A bunch of teens were egging the house of their science teacher for giving them homework over break. They got caught by their teacher's ex-husband and he told them, "She broke up with me for telling her she was being too hard on her students. So, my friends, egg on!!!!!"

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I asked her where you were.

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Why was it really gross when the blonde dove into the swimming pool? Because the swimming pool was full of phlegm!

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a man walks into a bar, when he leaves he thinks he can hold his liquor and kills a mother and two children attempting to drive home.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A mechanical wheelchair.

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Your mom is so stupid, she didn't know the answer to 2+5

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Dad: Blind side was the black kid who played tight end. Me: Offensive line. Dad: Sorry, African American kid.

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This girl came up to me and said she recognized me from the vegetarian club. Her name was Jill.

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1 111111 1 1 11111111111 1 1 111111 1

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Man one: Why does the moon look like a face? Man two: I don't know, why? Man one: I don't know either, that's why i asked....

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HOLY COW!

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How do you stop a bus from hitting you?? You throw small children to impede the progress of the bus.

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Q. What do you do when you cross an elephant, and a soccer ball. A. That would never happen.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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