"Roll back into the kitchen and imagine me a sandwich!" yelled the abusive husband to his paraplegic wife.

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How did Billy tip the cow? He didn't, cows are animals and that would be wrong.

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What did Billy Mays eat for breakfast? nothing, he's dead.

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Why did the asain fail his tests? They weren't math tests...

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why did the young teenage boy E J A C U L A T E? because he saw his sexy dad shirtless.

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A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

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some weirdo nerd was just convicted of a hit and run Just kidding. All he did was suffocate your dad with a whoopee cusion.

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A child rides his bike down the sidewalk and stops at an intersection. He looks both ways, then crosses the road. What was he looking for? His family.

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I just threw up..In my pants.

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says: Why the long face? The horse says: "My wife's dead."

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Emily Walker.

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What do you call a full refrigerator? A freezer

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Why did Lucy have blond hair? Answer: Because both her parents had recessive hair traits.

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A fish swims up your penis...

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You are walking down the street. You see 3 black people and you don't talk to them because they are complete strangers.

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A man used a ruler to measure his foot, it was size 11

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Knock knock. Who's there? Andy. You're late, I've been piss-arsing about waiting for you to get here.

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Q:Whats a similarity between your mom and your dad? A:They both hate you -Ryan V

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2 doctors are talking to each other? -Dead? -Dead.

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What's the difference between an elephant and a plum? Their color. What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill? Here come the elephants over the hill. What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming over the hill? Here come the plums over the hill. She was color blind.

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A horse walk into a bar. Several people leave, as they recognize the potential danger in the situation.

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Whats worse than passing out drunk and having your friends draw on your face? When you die of alcohol poisoning in the morning

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Knock knock. Who's there? It's me. Oh, come on in. Thanks.

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A man walks into a casino, and when he walks out his family has no home.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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