how much swag could a swagchuck chuck, if a swagchuck could chuck swag?

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what is blue and smells like fish? blue fish ;)

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A dog walks into a club. Just kidding I hit the dog with a club multiple times, killed it, and went to jail for the murder of an innocent animal.

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Your mother is so ugly it affects her self esteem.

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

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why does the pie have apples in it? it was apple pie.

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What did the black guy say when after he jumped in the pool? Wow, its kinda chilly.

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What do you do if a goose comes flying towards you? Duck.

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Well no, thats not true, sorry, I mean I GET THAT ALL THE FUCKING TIME!

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Why did the clown go to jail? He murdered a thirteen-year-old girl.

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why did the homeless man die? because everyone does.

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Guy walks into a bar. He orders a drink called "Vampire poison". The bartender gives him the drink. The man drinks it and dies. No he was not a vampire, he was just a man with a history of heart failures.

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What did the black man do when KFC got his order wrong? He gave his receipt to the cashier and kindly asked for the correct meal.

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What did the girl get with no arms and no legs get for christmas? Cancer.

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What did the clown say when he was denied health insurance? Nothing, he died of his pre-existing heart condition.

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Have you heard the one about the blonde and the bear? No. Me neither.

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VITAMIN C!

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Why'd Carly fall off the swing? She got hit by a bus

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven.

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George Washington, a priest, a nazi and a jew are on a plane that's going to crash. There is only one parachute. George Washington says "For my country" and jumps off without a parachute. The priest says "For God" and jumps off without a parachute. The nazi says "For Hitler" and pushes the jew off and takes the parachute.

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What did the man say when he lost his car? Where the fuck did my car go

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whats the easiest way to kill a baby? let it live a long and meaningful life, prolonging the inevitable death of old age.

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Why did Suzie fall of the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Suzie.

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How do you confuse a blonde? put her in a circular room and tell her to stand in the corner

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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