What's the difference between your dog and your mother? Your dog doesn't think you're a disgrace to the family

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Why did the aeroplane fall out of the sky? An ant jumped on it

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Hi

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Why do Jews have such big noses? They don't; To suggest phenotypic variation along religious lines is preposterous.

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What's the difference between a black minister and a white priest? Nothing. We are all equal in the eyes of God.

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a man walks into a casino, it's the third time this week and he's contemplating suicide.

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did Michael Jackson touch children ? yes of course. otherwise he would have been an absolutely terrible father

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A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer walk into a bar. They order some drinks, sit quietly and stare at their shoes until they've finished their drinks, then go back home and wallow in loneliness, wishing their social skills weren't so abysmal.

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Iceland is actually green and Greenland is actually icy and Germany started the Holocaust.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Pizzas were meant to be put in an oven.

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Yo momma so stupid she tried drowning a gold fish. She got accused for animal cruelty.

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Why did suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock - who's there? Bob -bob who.... Bobs knocking for suzie!

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"It's a blimp, it's a hot air balloon!" "No wait, it's your mom."

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- Pete and Repeat are in a boat. Repeat falls off, who's left? - Pete? - F**k yes.

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I've got a tip for the ladies. Or if you like I can put the whole thing

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You know what's a real drag? A club foot

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Q: What did a rock say to a Another Rock? A: Don't take things for Granite!

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Knock Knock F*ck of I'm watching p0rn

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21 Ways to Annoy Everybody 1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter which. 2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone else every five minutes. 3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would. 4) Act like a hillbilly. Period. 5) Improvise Italian operas. 6) Gossip about someone to their face. 7) Answer every question with a question. 8) Repeat yourself constantly. 9) Act like a member of the opposite sex. 10) Repeat yourself constantly. 11) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons. 12) Repeat yourself constantly. 13) Change what you repeat every now and then. 14) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks. 15) Change what you repeat every now and then. 16) Talk to someone while looking at somebody else. 17) Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy contemporaries. 18) Change what you repeat every now and then. 19) One word: Caffeine. 20) Another word or two: Caffeine and Sugar. 21) stringwhateveryousayintoonelongwordsoitshardtomakeoutwhatyou'resaying.

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A black guy walks into a bar with a beatiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow," says the bartender. "That is really something. Where'd you get it?" The parrot was his fathers. Do to severe mental and physical illness, he can no longer take care of it. He asked his son to take it, those were his last words as he slipped into a coma

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How did the blonde die drinking milk? She was severely lactose intolerant.

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a blonde and a brunet are in an elevator. a man walks in the brunet says to the blonde "he has dandruff, he needs head and shoulders.' then the blonde says "we can give him head, but how can we give him shoulders."

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Why can't helen keller drive a car? Because she is a woman

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hey fat ass u want some butter with them rolls?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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