A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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What happens when a girl sticks her head in a birthday cake? She gets a toothpick stuck in her eyebrow. Trust me..I know.

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What do you call an asian plumber? A plumber.

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Lets just say I work for some important people, not the feds that is for sure, ill tell you when we meet, not here. As for my condition, lets just say that I am profusely bleeding noseblood now and that is because I forgot to take my medication, and if I had no medicaions at all, I would have begun bleeding out of me ears end eye sockets, and ironically id die from a lot of other shit before bleeding to death, so thats not even the case. Its nothing common, but I bet people could find out about it pretty fast on wikipedia, and as much as I like throwing shit on random people here, I dont like bothering anyone with my problems, in this case, it came kinda sudden and unexpected, and I dont mind sharing my deepest aspects including this with my best friends, of which one of them you clearly are love.

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What did the homeless man get for his birthday? AIDS

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So this chick meets a guy at a bar. They never greet each other and the drive home sober.

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I GOT YOUR BUTT PUSSY!

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because goats lay eggs.

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What did the dog say to the tree? Bark.

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What do you call a muslim flying an airplane? A pilot.

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Why did Jennifer shit herself? Because there was a black man staring through her window!

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why did the boat float up to the sky? because everybody on it died including the boat...

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What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? A porcupine has it's pricks on the outside. A BMW doesn't have pricks on it's bodywork, for a multitude of reasons: - it would increase the coefficient of drag, causing an increase in fuel consumption - the pricks would fall foul of pedestrian safety regulations

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why did the dog went inside the church? because the door was open.

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Whats worse than the Holocaust? Finding two worms in your apple

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So the question i got asked in order to post this was: Which one is easiest? and I thought to myself, the slutty one, obviously!!

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Why did Justin Bieber wake up Lady Gaga? He needed to ask her a question.

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Why did the sloth swing from the tree? It hung itself.

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Stephen Hawkings may know everything about the universe, but try to get him to tie his shoes.

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Roses are red, Your blood is too, Don't believe me? I WILL CUT YOU

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Why does everyone tell black jokes? Because everyone hates black people.

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Wanna hear a joke? Your life.

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What do a fish and a helicopter have in common? Neither of them is a police officer.

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What is the difference between a Jew and a pizza? The pizza doesn't scream when it goes into the oven.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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