How is a monkey like a bicycle? They can both climb trees. Except for the bicycle.

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telll someone to ask u if u are a tree then say nooooooo

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What do you get when you cross a gay man with a chainsaw? A decapitated homosexual.

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You know why Michael J. Fox makes really good milkshakes? ... because he uses the best ingredients

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A man walked into a bar owch

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What was the last song those aboard the Titanic sang? "Staying alive"

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I took my blind grandmother to the art gallary

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A man is jogging down the street. He bangs his kneecap into a metal pole and shatters it. He is then hit by a giant cheese wheel and dies.

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What song did Buddy the elf sing for Santa on his birthday? Happy birthday

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So this guy is waiting for a heart transplant. He dies.

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How do you stop birds from building nests in your grill? You turn the grill on

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Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse..”

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What's worse than losing the remote? Dying of cancer.

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Bridget, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and since it is rather long, it brushes against her round breasts. Even though she is a little sweaty, you realize what a beautiful woman she is, and you decide not to kill here. You instead ask her to marry you, and after she replies "yes", with tears of joy streaming down her face, you two make passionate love in the front seat of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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Roses are red Violets are blue some poems rhyme this one doesn't

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I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. I suffer from a debilitating sleep disorder.

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WWII veteran screamed! "You damn yellow monkey" "But sir... ...my fur is brown!" Replied the monkey.

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Why was little Timmy mauled by a bear? He poked it with a pointy stick.

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Whats the difference between a garage full of dead babies and a garage full of money? I don't have a garage full of money

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What did Stephen Hawking say after he scaled Mount Everest? Yay!

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Why do white people drive big trucks? 'Cause they can afford it.

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What's so similar about a zombie and a black man? They are both almost human.

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Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours? A: Because she was dead.

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What's worse than someone who thinks Sting is a nice guy? Sting.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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