There are two types of people in this world, those that can't count

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Well, that's going to be some horrible lemonade if life doesn't also give you water and sugar.

Why didn't Clemson accept John Burns' college application? Because John Burns was wanted for five counts of first degree murder.

Poker face

How many dollies does little Suzie have? Enough to kill 15 men

Why could the red heading boy sing higher notes than the blonde headed boy? He was castrated at birth.

Roses are red, Violets are blue. I'm locked in someone's basement, Please help me.

Two fish are in a tank. One is driving, the other is operating the gun. Two soldiers are in a tank. They both drown.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Skeletons neither have muscles nor brains to control any muscles and therefor cannot transport themselves across a road or any stretch of land for that matter.

"I had angry birds before it was cool." -Alfred Hitchcock

WHATS A GREAT RAVE TUNE KANE !!!!! TUCKER !!!!!!!! DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why did the christian go into the church? To pray.

Why doesn't Harry have any arms? Because he's a Jew.

How do you wake up Lady Gaga? I don't know, I've never tried to.

what did one gagged man say to the other gagged man? nothing he was gagged

Why couldn't Johnny drive? He doesn't have arms or legs. Why didn't Johnny have arms or legs? Johnny is a potato

What's the difference between 50 dead babies and a three-course meal? One of them can feed me for a day and the other is a three-course meal.

Why was the baby's face red? Because it was bloody.

Q: how do you get a live elephant into a refrigerator? A: you buy an industrial sized refrigerator from cost-co and then walk the elephant slowly but surely through the door. Q: how do you get a giraffe in a refrigerator? A: after removing the elephant by means of walking out the door, slice the giraffe into small pieces approx. 1m by 1m by 1m and put those into the refrigerator

Under Chuck Norris' beard, there is a chin.

Why did the parents order the 16 year old daughter to move out of Virginia? Because she lost her virginity

What is white and flys at you from a tree? A refridgarator. I lied about the flying part.

You're mama's so stupid, she decided to go back to school and finish her degree in Russian Literature to improve her self-esteem and maybe -- just maybe -- save her marriage, which had been on the rocks, mostly due to her intolerable self-loathing.

How did the chef bake 20 muffins for the king? My name is Bob.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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