Why did the kid die last night? because his mum stabbed him multiple times in the chest.

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What do u say to someone u don't like? I thought I'd let u no tht I don't like u...

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A man is driving the speed limit of 55 on the highway. He gets pulled over and the cop says, "Do you know how fast you were going sir?" The man replies "Well yes I was going 55, the speed limit." The cop says, "No you were going 80." The speedometers broken.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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what's the difference between a jew and a pizza? a jew is a member of a religion called Judaism, they're generally tall and have curly hair, however not in all situations is this true. They celebrate Chanukah and passover and many other holidays. Pizza is an italian dish, it's round, has red sauce and cheese on it and is pretty tasty.

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this last joke was a correction to the other one

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knock knock whos there banana banana who knock knock whos there orange orange who orange you glad I didn't say banana

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I walk into a bar...

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A man walks into a bar so how many Jews were there when a man called Wellard ate a pizza. Balloons

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roses are read, violets are blue. i have alzheimers and Jill came tumbling down.

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how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? 7

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Multi Orgasmic Pillow screechers

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Did you hear about the three Arabs that hijacked a plane? They drove it into the Pentagon.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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What is green and fuzzy and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? An elephant I lied!

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A three-legged prostitute, a coal miner, and R. Kelly walk into an all-midget rendition of Stravinsky's Rite of Spring. The miner has a heart attack and dies. The concubine and the vocalist do nothing to help.

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Whats green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

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Q: What would have been the easiest way to stop the second world war without killing anyone? A: Paid Hitler for his art.

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What did the Chinese man say to the other Chinese man? I don't know. I can't speak Chinese.

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What time will the little girl get up for school? Never, she died in her sleep.

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What did the little boy ask for for Christmas? A new brain, as he has a malignant tumor, he died.

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Whats bright red and claws at the window? Baby in a microwave.

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*The doctor walks in* Knock knock. Whos there? Doctor. Doctor Who?

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Why did the girl throw her watch out of the window? because her mind wasn't as intelligent as a normals person mind as she had mental problems.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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