What looks like half an Apple? The other half.

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why did the dog cross the street? because it saw a squirrel

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What's purple and has four legs? I don't know. What? I DONT KNOW EITHER THAT'S WHY I'M ASKING YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Nobody because a pineapple is not a proper home

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The little girl asks her father "Daddy why is santa fat?" "you have to exist to lose weight" he answered

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Why did the princess kiss the frog? She really wanted a wart.

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How many victims of the holocaust does it take to screw in a light bulb? Zero. They're all dead you sick fuck.

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A brachiosaurus walks into a cafe "Excuse me I'm an herbivore, can I have a full English breakfast, but with veggie sausages instead of normal sausages, and mushrooms instead of bacon?" Shop keeper: "No you can't. Your too big. You've destroyed my kitchen, and my livelihood. I have nothing left. You've accidently reduced my business to rubble by walking through the door"

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if a fat guy in a red suit comes into your house on christmas. its not santa your about to get raped from chewy(:

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What's the diffrence between a hockey puck, and an african child? They're both black, but usualy african children aren't round!

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What did the black do when a man robbed his house? He called 911

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What is brown and salty? A pretzel.

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why did the chicken cross the road? He saw his family getting murdered and tried to stop it but got hit in the process

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Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it thought it was a game. Why did the tree fall over? Because it thought it was a squirrel.

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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Why didn't the kid eat lunch at school? He wasn't hungry.

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What did the pet lion say to its owner? Nothing. The lion then proceeded to hunt down its owner, pin him down and rip out his insides. Besides, the likelyhood of owning a lion as a pet is very slim, and even if one did, this act would be highly illegal in most parts of the world.

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how do you punish helen keller? leave the plunger in the toilet.

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What happens if a guy is gay? You call him Verl.

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A frog goes to a lake. he meets a photographer , the frog ask him ( can you take a picture of me? he says: sure ...say cheese.... then the frog said :....yogurt

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What did the raped girl say to the doctor? Nothing she was dead on arrival.

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Why was Jimmy upset? He wasn't.

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why is the spine-tailed swift the fastest bird? because its faster than the second fastest bird.

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What's invisible and smells like carrots ? Rabbit Farts

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops