A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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How do you make a baby be quiet when it is crying? slowly choke it to death

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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. I don't know, I've had a bad day, I can't think straight. Why do you keep asking me these questions? Always talking at me, everyday it's the same - why can't you just shut up?! I would be better off dead, then it would stop, this suffocating blackness. I need to escape...I'm going to do it tonight...pills, something like that...I don't care any longer. Goodbye.

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A lysdexic man trys to rite a joek... the people who tried reading it got confused and offered help in rewriting it.

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What do you call a bench full of white people The NBA

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why can't a blonde count to 70? cause 69 is a mouth full

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What do you get when you put a baby in a blender New Doritos Dip

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What happened to the alcoholic? He got liver cancer

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Q: What's worse than falling off a mountain A: Falling off a mountain into a pile of spikes

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What's worse then a blind driver? A girl driver

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i killed my family

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a skinny sumo wrestler

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-Knock-knock. -Who's there? -Interrupting Doctor. -Interrup.. -You have cancer.

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Yo momma is so ugly that she uses it as motivation to work hard and thus for achieve more than a lot of whores do

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How do you get a priest out of a tree? Throw a canoe at him.

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Did you know that if you say "gullible" slowy, it still sounds like you're saying "gullible."

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What did Osama bin Laden say when he heard loud gunshots outside his millitary compound? A: We'll never find out

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There's a Christian preist, Jesus, and a Jewish rabi on a boat. They want to go fishing, but they forgot the sunscreen, the bait, and the fishing line. The Christian preist walks across the water and goes and gets the Sunscreen. Jesus walks across the water and gets the bait. The Jewish rabi steps out of the boat and drowns. Jesus turns to the Priest and says, "Do you suppose we should have told about the underwater bridge?"

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Justin Bieber.

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I used to be an adventurer like you but then i grew old and i never took i single injury unlike my brother he took an arrow to the knee or so he says i asked him to show me and he was all defensive like "whoa man i don't need to prove anything." so i think he's lieing

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Q: What did the black man say to the other black man? A: Nothing. They didn't know each other.

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What did the Coke can say to the Pepsi can? Nothing it is a inanimate object and cannot speak.

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Q: Why did the clown fall off the swing? A:He was shot in the face

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Whats the difference between a baby in a comma and an iPod? I actually use the baby.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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