Birdie Birdie in the Sky, Left a message in my eye ... So I shot the little bitch

thumb_up thumb_down +11

An Amish man walks into a bar. He then orders a non-alcoholic beverage due to the temperance practices of the Amish faith.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A baby seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How many times has Belle Ahern been hit in the mutt 76. Stupid slut

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q: What's white, is Mel Gibson, and would kill someone if it fell out of a tree? A: Mel Gibson.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

96

thumb_up thumb_down +11

what is the difference between a black man and a white man? Their skin color.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the chicken cross the road? It felt like it, no particular reason. Why did the hippo cross the road? Same reason as the chicken. Why did the Fred cross the road? He was with animal control, and a chicken and hippo had just been reported to cross this dangerous stretch of highway.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead dive off a yacht. Unfortunately the yacht is in a shop and all 3 of them sustain injuries following impact with the concrete floor.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What didn't the man piss on the dead baby? Because that is just morally wrong. Instead, he reported it to the police and aided the cause of justice.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?!?!?!!! Not Michael Vick.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Once upon a time, there was a horse that had no legs, it laid on the ground it's entire life and died. The end.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Roses are red violets are blue suck my **** and I'll **** you too

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the chicken cross the street? He wanted to make breakfast

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A Wii.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A blonde girl gets in a bad car accident . A man stops on the side of the road to help her . She is panicking The man gets out a piece of chalk and draw a small circle. He says "Do not step out of this circle" The man smashes her car with a baseball bat She giggles He rolls her car down the hill, She laughs Her car is on fire , She is cracking up He yells " WHAT IS SO FUNNY " She says , "I stepped out of the circle three times when you weren't looking"

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the farmer's wife leave the farm? Because she was a lesbian.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A man wakes up in the hospital after being in a car accident. He begins to yell "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor hurries into the room to find out why the patient is yelling. The doctor then promptly explains that this was due to the crash severing his spinal cord and rendering him paraplegic for the rest of his life. The doctor after explaining this states he'll never walk again, before leaving the patient's room.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano? Neither has he...

thumb_up thumb_down +9

what is a bracket? a bracket

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A couple was arguing about how the man was cheating and he was in "The Doghouse". There clever son pointed out that they didn't own a dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

its all aodhan

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do elephants have that no other animal has? Baby elephants.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops