A hitman and his target walked in the same bar togather what happend? nothing because a hitman has better things to do and the target would lay low.

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Little Johnny asks his teacher "What's 23 times 3?" She yelled, "Be quiet, Johnny, and grow up!"

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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What do you call a dumb blonde with no hair? You don't, since there is no way of knowing that she is blonde.

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Why did the boy laugh? Because someone told him a joke.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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Cancer

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Why is a jewish man so tall? Genetics

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What's worse than seeing 5 dead babies on the side of the road? Realizing slavery is banned after buying a perfectly good young black male for a reasonable price at your local walmart.

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Adam: knock knock!! Eve: who's there? Adam: don't be silly, just open the f*cking door!!

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A blonde walks into a bar... ...she got rufeed.

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A paraplegic walks into a bar.

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"I love you terribly!" said the girl to her new boyfriend. "I'm your dog. Please stop having sex with me on Chatubate."

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The time and place do not matter because I'm a lesbian.

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A man ate a lot of ice cream he had double bypass surgery 3 months later

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Two elephants are walking down the street. They have already killed 12 people including 11 children and their foster parent.

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What do you call a white man in the middle of Mexico City? Dave.

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why were the girls confused? they were in a logic class and couldn't seem to find the irrationality chapter in the book

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Why is the sky blue? As the light from our Sun shines into the atmosphere, most of the colors are able to reach the Earth’s surface uninterrupted. However, because blue light has a wavelength that is the same size as the particulates in the air, this light is scattered in every direction. This blue light bounces from particulate to particulate until it eventually reaches your eyes. For this reason, no matter what direction you look in the sky, it appears to be blue. This blue light originated with the Sun, was bounced around in the sky many times, and then eventually reached your eyes.

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A doctor walks out of the delivery room and relieves A nervous father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happiness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with the rest of what he had to relay to the father. Your wife died during the delivery.

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Knock knock Who's there? Micheal Jordan. Micheal Jordan who? Your an idiot

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Yo mama's so fat, that she's fat.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Knock Knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Knock Knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Knock Knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say orange? Well you shouldn't be. I came to tell you your family died in a car crash and you have AIDS.

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What was the leg less and armless mans favorite type of music? Nubstep

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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