What do you tell someone who says they are contemplating suicide? where to find some cheap cyanide

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Honestly though bud, are you wasted? XD

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A Muslim terrorist walks onto a bus, with the mindset to blow him and the other 27 people. Before he steps onto the bus, he realizes the error in his ways and decides to not follow through. He goes to the airport instead.

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whats worst than school? the earth exploding whats worse than the earth exploding? the sun exploding whats worse than the sun exploding? 10,000 suns exploding

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Poop swing

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why did the chicken cross the road? Why not?

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What did the lonely old man get on valentines day? Nothing, because his wife died of cancer two years ago.

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Why does mexico not have an Olympic team? They do

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There is a new film coming out, it is a re-make of "Fatal Attraction" The only difference is, it is about two tonnes of antimatter... [L]

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What's one thing good about cancer? (make them guess) Nothing you fricking prick!

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What do you call a dolphin that drives a Mercedes Benz? Nothing. Dolphins can't drive.

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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whats Mario's favorite kind of jeans? Denim, denim, denim.

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A woodchuck could chuck wood but a woodchuck couldn't chuck Norris because Norris isn't a type of wood.

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Why did the black guy scream? well, he just saw his friend get shot, and there was blood everywhere.

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What do you call a mexican doing drugs? An average pablo

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I'M THE GRAPIST!! I'M GONNA GRAPE UR MOM AND UR DAD AND UR WHOLE FAMILY!!!

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What is the hardest part about rollerblading? Most commonly the balance part.

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Whats the difference between a Corvette and a dead bag of babies. -there's not a Corvette in my garage

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Pull my finger. Not right now. I'm watching The Price is Right.

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knock knock piss off

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A white man and a black man were walking down the street. The black borrowed the white man's phone to make a quick call when an incoming call came in. The black man, while trying to hand the phone back, says, "Here, it's your Dad." The white man replies, "No, that's my phone." Amazed at how uneducated the black man was.

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How many chicken feathers are there in a 50 pound bag? 50 pounds worth Why did the chicken cross the road? It was being chased by a duck Why did the man cross the road? It was duck season A woman is dying but can't reach her husband. Why? A duck ate his cell-phone A pig walks into a bar but there is no bartender. Where is she? Dead A duck hunter is selling a duck to a man. The man only pays the duck hunter a quarter. Why? It was full of chicken feathers.

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What is the difference between a shark and a human? A shark is a type of fish with a full cartilaginous skeleton and a highly streamlined body and a human is the only living species in the Homo genus.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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