What's red and goes pop? A clip art of the word "Pop"

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Why was Timmy dirty? Because he was buried

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What's yellow, long, hard, and moves up and down? A banana in an elevator...

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An unarmed man robbed a bank today, he failed because he had no way of carrying the cash out.

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How is an orange like an airplane? They both have wings except an orange doesn't have wings

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Roses are red Violets are blue If you came 'cause GameGrumps Fuck you.

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What did the lamp say to the pencil? Nothing. Lamps and pencils are inanimate objects and are also non sentient so therefore are incapable of talking or listening or having any emotions.

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Yo mamas so fat that she slowly had developed obstructive sleep apnea syndrome and had died due to an obstruction of her upper airway while she was sleeping.

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Who is Jonathan Ezell He is Jonathan Ezell

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Roses are red Violets are astronaut This joke didn't make sense I'll kill u with a rake

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If life gives you lemons your hallucinating

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What did the Democrat say to the Republican? "I am sorry about your mother". They had been good friends since childhood and the Republicans mother was soon to die from terminal cancer.

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A man walks outside on a sunny day. Since the sun was very bright, he put on a pair of sunglasses. While this was going on, nothing else really happened and he went on with his day as usual.

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What d u tell Simba when he's moving to slow? Muvasa

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He I just met you, and this is crazy, but you sister just died here's her baby.

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What do you call a black man in space? An astronaut.

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Where was Andy Beckett WHEN THE LIGHTS WENT OUT? In the dark

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How many pollacks does it take to screw in a lightbuld? Likely the same number as is required when people of non-polish descent screw in lightbulds. Overall however it is variable based on the number or bulbs, position of bulbs in relation to ceiling, potential shakiness of required ladder, and desired efficiency. Please reference GE's lightbuld home instillation handbook for further information or alternately contact your local electrician or handy neighbor.

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What's brown and sticky? A stick

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Take off your shoes.

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Why did the man die? Because he was unpopular and someone killed him with a gun. He is now dead. RIP.

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Where can find a man who owns a white van capable of transporting many children? Most local churches have them for mission work. I would contact a local minister.

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Your mother is so fat, when she dives into a pool, the on duty life guard blows his whistle to get her attention. He then proceeds to tell her about the dangers of diving into a pool with the depth of 5ft or less and asks her not to continue her antics. She is not pleased but decides it is best to follow the rules.

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You're Adopted.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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