- What's the difference between a squirrel? - It can neither fly.

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What is yellow and fluffy? Green fluff, I lied about the yellow part.

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Yo Mamma's so dumb... She cannot manage to find a decent job without her GED.

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Four blondes are driving to Disney World. When they are in Florida, there is a sign that says "Disney left" Upset, they make a u-turn and go home.

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911 joke ? now thats just plane rude.

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What's worse than a bee sting? Getting shot in the head

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Q. You are driving a car. In front of you there is a camion driving at your same speed. Behind you there is a helicopter flying at your same speed at the ground level. On your left there is an ambulance driving at your same speed and on your right there is a ravine. How do you get out from this horrible situation? A. Get off the carousel.

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Blarg, with ritalin everything tastes like cardboard, but on the bright side I can taste, lucky me I am so handsome the ones that attacked us did not want to ruin "my pretty face", so I just got a few cuts before I broke his, they never see a steel fist arriving you know... Listen, you are wrong, you gotta think less about me, and much more about yourself, you feel like you should worry more about me emotionally, but worry about your feelings more despite that because I can more or less hear your body saying "please take care of me", I mean I can more or less hear the urges and needs of women, thats why I am so good around them, I dont put them in a trance "vampire style" i just make them feel safe around me because it is safe around me, I am safe at all times because I am who I am. Listen, worry about your needs, turn of all mental alarms, I can sense (I dont know how, Richard Bandler put that into me) that you are in lack of sleep, food and sleep (I can sense it now, you havent slept well since you thought I was dead, it makes logical sense, it always does, its not magic, its the human potential unleashed) So take care of yourself, turn of your body`s needs one by one, shower, eat, drink (eat something good), and if you are at the couch, go get a pillow and lie down, this is about you, because I cant feel well if those I love and care about dont feel well okay? Please allow me to sleep easily and try getting some sleep yourself even if my guys are 15 minutes away. Let me know that you feel better.

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When's the best time to go to the dentist? There is no best time, it is based on personal opinion and depending whether or not you have a conflicting schedule

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Why was a group of children being driven away by a black man? Michael was the students bus driver, he was taking them to the zoo.

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Why was the man bad at football? - he is chad henne

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What did the fat girl say to the good looking guy? Nothing. She didn't have the self-confidence to go up to him.

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What is worse then a worm in your apple? 2 worms in your apple.

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Harry Styles

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Question: why did the pilot crash the plane? Answer: because the pilot was a loaf of bread

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm schizophrenic And so am I

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What did the boy do when he got an F on his English paper? -Laughed.

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What do you call a man in a wheel chair? Stephen Hawking

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A Palestinian woman asks a man for directions. She is promptly stoned to death.

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Batman and Superman switched sidekicks. Superman didn't want Robin.

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what makes reed stop talking? LYRENS SHARPENED PENCIL

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"I can sell this watch for $500 dollars on the black market!" Well, you could sell your liver for $500 dollars on the black market too.

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An Irish man walks out of a bra.

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Did you know that if you stacked enough elephants to reach from the earth to the moon, all those elephants would die?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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