What does a bartender say to almost all of his customers? May I please see your I.D.

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What does a blond see when she looks at a dog? A four legged mammal, refered to as canis lupus familiaris, or what is commonly known as a dog.

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Q: Why are lizards broke? A: Because they run around the desert with no money.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Provolone

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Why do Eskimos build igloos? Because it is the most practical form of habitation for their climate zone, lifestyle, and availability of materials.

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Michael Hoffman leaves the gym

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A cat walks into a bar and orders a bowl of milk. Well, okay, it doesn't actually order it. It more of meows in a begging fashion and the bartender, being a kind individual, gets the lost animal a bowl of milk. But who's to argue semantics?

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What did the tuna say to the fan I LIKE YOUR STOOL AHAHHAHAHHAHAH

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How do you kill a politician? You set him on fire and stab him in the back 20 times.

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How did the Jew his German neighbor? Every morning the Jew says hello and the German replys hello

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Q: Wgat did Batman say to Robin before Robin got in the car? A: "Robin, get in the car"

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-Knock, Knock -Who's there? -Carl -Carl wh-wait... carl...CARL OH MY GOD!!!! WE ALL THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD ,CARL!!!! Where have you been? Oh my god... Mom's DEAD! When we all thought you were dead she hung herself! IT'S YOUR FAULT SHE'S DEAD, CARL! YOUR FAULT!!!!!! YOU ARE AN UNGRATEFUL PIECE OF SHIT CARL! YOU KNOW THAT? I hope you burn in hell.

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Could switching to Geico really save you 15% or more on car insurance? Yes.

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I said I hate niiggers

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A man walks into a bar and says "ow"

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Violets are Blue, Roses are Red, skip the bull$%!#, and give me head

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--"Do you like impressions?" -Yeah! --"Why?" ................... --"That was Socr-ates."

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Roses are bald Violets are bald You are bald I think you have cancer.

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What did the cowboy say to the skunk? You smell.

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A lion walks into a barber shop and asks for a haircut and the barber says no then the lion proceeds to kill everyone in the shop

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What can you sit on, drink from and sleep on? A chair, a cup and a bed.

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Why did the boy cross the road? He didn't he stopped and fapped.

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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Knock Knock Whos there Who Yan Who Yan Who Chow Yan Chow

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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