What did the cow say to the chicken? Moo.

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Why does Nathan Rogers never get any pussy? Because goblins have small dicks

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Why didn't the family go through the door? Because it was a window.

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Why did the blonde get fired from the m&m factory? She made skittles.

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A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic, so to make his activities in the bar into a joke would be disrespectful and inconsiderate.

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Whats small, red and white, and would kill you if shot out of a cannon? A decapitated baby

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What is large white and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A refridgerator

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Roses are red, white, pink, and many other colors. Violets similarly display many color variations due to generations of ardent florists.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? At age two, she contracted an illness that left her blind, deaf, unable to speak, and was considered backwards of intelligence. She lived in a dark and hopeless world of her own, rendering her unable to do anything, let alone drive.

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What did the dog say when the woman put a sweater on him? Nothing, dogs can't talk and he has no idea what is going on

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What was the pirate movie rated? PG-13 for violence and mild nudity.

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A man has only two fingers on one hand, and everybody calls him two-fingered Mike. Why? Because his fingers were lost in a tragic accident at birth, and his parents, who were considering calling him Mike, decided to lengthen the name because it seemed appropriate.

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I can't see my forehead

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How do you fit 100 jews in a car? It wouldn't work.. Nevermind.

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What is funny about a child with down syndrome? Nothing.

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What does a human have in common with a tree?? You can cut a humans leg of and count the....oh wait

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Knock Knock! Come in!

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Type 2 diabetics

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whats the difference between a white kid a nd a puerto rican kid? one smells fine and the other one smells like he walked out of a butcher shop that sells cigars and cheap prostitutes

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Person 1: Eric is in the hospital! I think it was those depression pills. Person 2: What did he overdose? Person 3: No he just took to much.

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A man walked into a bar because he worked there.

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What did the sting ray say to steve irwin? It doesn't matter , steve irwin is dead, dead as a doormat.

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Why did the chicken kill himself? Because he was bullied as a child and is now suicidal

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops