So a Quadriplegic walks into a bar.....

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How do you kill two birds with one stone. You don't its not humanly possible because birds cannot be killed with rocks.

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What did the kid with no arms or legs get for Christmas? I'm not sure, he could not unwrap them.

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how do you kill a little girl? seeing as murder is a federal offence i will not tell you how. you should be ashamed for asking.

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Why did Patrick cross the road Because he saw a rock

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have amnesia Roses are red

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A black man, a white man and a Mexican are in a car... Who is driving... A police man

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He wanted to get away from KFC, which was directly behind him.

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What's 2+2? Gonorrhea

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Knock knock. Who's there? Dr. Dr who? Dr Johnson. I'm afraid you have AIDS.

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What do you say when you kill a pregnant lady? Double kill

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Why did it take so long for the baby's to paint my wall? I didn't throw them hard enough.

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How do you drown a blonde? Tie a cinderblock to her foot and throw her in water.

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what does gum eat ? gum you idiot!

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A tree walks into a bar and the bartender asks "why the log face?".

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What do you call a tree with no branches? A stick.

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What's the difference between a turtle and a horse? The horse has no shell.

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why did the asain hate his life he didn't he was living a good life with large amounts of money with a very hot wife

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A horse walks into a bar. The barman says why the long face. The horse, unable to understand English shits on the floor and leaves

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So there are 5 people on a plane the president, a movie star, and man who is on the verge of making world peace, the smartest man in the world, and the pope the piolt has a heart atack at and the plane will crash soon there are only 4 parachutes. So the first is Obama and he saysI won a Nobel piece prize and I run American see ya later and he takes the parachute next Steven hawking says sory pope Im taking this because I don't believe in God and black holes are cool so he takes the parachute and jumps out. Next Charlie Sheen says I need to entertain people and keep the drug dealers in business so he. Takes the parachute and jumps out. Then Francis turns to the hippie and says if you achive world peace it may help eliminate some poverty so you take the last paratute and jump out then the hippie says in return no its OK Steven Hawking took my back back. When they land they decide to serch for Steven's body and they find nothing. You see Steven Hawking had taken his own paratute with him and took the Hippies backpack to sell it and make some money

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What did Super man say when the bullets didn't hurt him? That didn't hurt.

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How are trees and friends alike? They are both subject to fall when struck with an axe.

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what is cooler than writing an anti joke? killing eveybody who thinks the " my garden is on fire" joke is funny

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What did one Black man say to the other Black man before they ate? I hope you're hungry!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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