Little Jimmy has 100 candy bars, and he eats 95 of them. What dies little Jimmy have? Diabetes

thumb_up thumb_down +29

ROSES ARE RED WATCHES ARE GOLD GET ON YOUR KNEES AND DO WHAT YOUR TOLD

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A: Knock Knock! B: Come in!

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What kind of parrot can't mimic human voices? One that's just had it's vocal chords illegally harvested and sold on the black market

thumb_up thumb_down +27

watermelons are red, pineapples are yellow. i'm not a poet, say hello for me.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why couldn't the blonde screw in the light bulb?? - she happened to be autistic

thumb_up thumb_down +27

How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb? One.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Whats the difference between ice cream and dead babies? I'm not eating ice cream right now.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Roses are red violets are blue, he is for me and not for you, he's too ugly you can have him

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Knock, Knock Who's There? (Silence) Wondering who was there, the man opened the door, to find a baby in a basket in front of him.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Roses are red That much is true But violets are purple Not freaking blue

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Give a man a fire and he will be warm for the rest of the night. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Silly Sally Dillydallied then lost her job to outsourcing.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

why is black such a deprssing color because it symbolizes death

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Not Steve Jobs

thumb_up thumb_down +25

There are two hippopotamus' in a pond cooling off from the hot day. One is named Nathaniel IV and the other Timothy. Timothy asks Nathaniel, "Nathaniel, what day is it today?" Nathaniel then replies," I believe it is Tuesday." Timothy is taken back then replies," How odd. I could've sworn it was Wednesday."

thumb_up thumb_down +25

there's 4 men, a rabbi, a priest, a monk, and a captain. they all go on the captain's ship for a cruise with a couple hundred people. this was during the cold war, and the ship was mistaken for a war ship, and the russians missled it. the monk says: "we have to get everyone off the ship!" the rabbit say: "NO! the women and children need to get off first! And we should also hail to Satan!" the Captain says: "OMG! It's a talking Rabbit!" the priest then stops the rabbit to death!" the rabbi says: "The rabbit is right! But just the children!" The Captain says: "Screw the children! this ship is going to Hell, we have talking animals saying we should worship the devil!" the priest says: "Do you think we have time" the monk, the rabbi, and the captain stare and beat him to death.... "Well, he was already going to Hell" the Monk says. But during this entire time the ship has been sinking and another missle blows up the ship. Everyone dies, except for Sean Conery...and Chuck Norris.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

q

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did the cat cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A Muslim boards a plane with his three sons. Everything goes well, because most on the plane are racially tolerant.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What should you do if you are locked in the trunk of a car? Yell for help.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What do you call a black man that robs a bank? A bank robber

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What did the Muslim have under his hood of his car? A V-8 engine.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

On a scale of 1 to drunk how ten are you?

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops