Q: Why do Japanese people have eyes that look like they're stretched to the side of their head? A: When they are born, they come out head first, and their eyes are stretched to the side of their head and are stuck in that position due to the sticky, glue like substance found inside a woman's stomach.

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How do you kill a cow while your carrying a gun Shoot him

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Why did the house get trashed? Cause the babysitter was a rooster

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You have never had sex because.... Well, look in the mirror and you'll see for yourself -Matt

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version 2 knock knock, whose there FU CK FU CK who FU CK YOU

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Q: What were Peter's emotions after he bought his $2 million house? A: None, in fact he has no home, family and anyone to help him. his leg is pinned down by a large piece of metal that fell on him while looking for food to eat at a construction site, expect him to die of bleeding in the next 24 hours.

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Two unemployed Irishmen are out looking for work when they pass a lumberyard. There's a sign outside that said "Tree Fellers Wanted". Sean turns to Patrick and says " What a curious way to write that sign. Surely the term is lumberjack?" "Yes," says Patrick "but what with the current economic situation here in Ireland, I say we get in there, apply for the jobs and hope that our lack of experience is overlooked." "Okay." Says Sean. "And let's not mention the whole sign thing." "No."

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What became of the girl who drank shellac and died? Her poor father attempted CPR for three hours straight before being forced to give up on his child's life. A massive funeral was held; everyone she ever knew attended. It was a very sad affair.

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a man and a woman walk into a alley. They get mugged the man fights back out of pride and then gets stabbed the woman escapes and then goes to the police the man is then found two days later. *gasp* what a weird dream.

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What do you call a dog with no arms or legs? Doormat.

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A Jew throwing a dime into a wishing well? Highly unlikely.

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Knock, knock Who's there? Europe Europe who? No, I'm not, you're a poo!

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Geography Teacher: Bill, British Columbia agreed to join confederation when the government of Canada agreed to do what? Bill: To build a bridge to where my father is who is divorced with my mom.*tear* Geography Teacher: Is that really nesscary Bill? You have a detention.

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A father of four joins the military. He returns home after his service.

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what do you call a guy that has a mouth, but cannot speak? a poor freshman who has been commanded by a Senior not to speak.

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A black man walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Nick!" Because he knows him and is not racist.

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Q) How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? A) It shouldn't take more than one person to do this task, regardless of hair color.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't like anyone who is not a straight, white male.

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Why did the chicken cross the road To get to the other side

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What's worse than finding a small cockroach in your drink? Finding a medium sized cockroach in your drink. What's worse than finding a medium sized cockroach in your drink? Genocide. What's worse than genocide? Finding a large sized cockroach in your drink.

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Q: what is the difference between a baby stroller and a black man. A: I don't try and hit black men when they cross the street.

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What's green and has wheels? The Holocaust. I lied about the green and the wheels.

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A man walks into a store and says "Roses are red, Violets are blue, there is a bomb strapped to my chest, give me all the money"

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I like my coffee the same way I like my woman with big tits I lied about the woman

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops