What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

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There was a little boy in kindergarten who really had to go to the bathroom. So he asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, and she told him he could go at snack time. The little boy really had to go to the bathroom, so he asked his teacher again, and like before, she told him to wait until it was snack time. The little boy had to go very very badly and asked the teacher one more time. This time the teacher said "if you can say the alphabet, then you can go to be bathroom" so the little boy got up all his courage and started off with "A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y and Z." Then the teacher said,"good job" and let him go to the bathroom. When he went there was a man waiting in the stall who brutally raped and murdered the boy.

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A man sees another man standing at the edge of a tall bridge looking down. Man: Don't jump! No one wants you to die. You have your whole life to live and I'm sure you will find happiness somewhere. I was once in the same position as you, questioning if god really wanted me on this earth at all. But I decided to make something of myself and now I am a very successful business man. You can do the same if you just put your mind to it and put your troubles behind you. Other man: I was just admiring the view.

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why dont you hit a black kid on a bike? its probably your bike.

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I am green. You are blue. Jokes are infinite. This is too.

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knock knock whos there? jew jew who ? jew son o a b**** ? (aimed at ight wing racist jews)

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a skitsofrantic, and so am I

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Why didn't Josh go to school? On his way to school, a majestic flying homeless man hit him in the head with a sea cucumber.

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There are two fish in a tank and one says to the other, "how do we drive this thing?"

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A man named Hank, from Idaho takes a trip to Michigan. When he arrives, he rents a house and starts a meth lab. Hank is spending 7 years in jail. Hank was charged with stealing.

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whats got two legs and cant walk a paraplegic

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Knock. Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Are you mentally handicapped? Bananas are fruit.

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MURRRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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thomas the train walked up to an old man and said nothing. mostly because trains cant walk, and they cant talk.

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why was Lucy fat? Her BMI was over the recommended average.

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What is better then fisting? Fisting with a metal studded glove

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a brick cheats on another brick the brick finds out and dose nothing because it is a brick

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What does a shortstop do when the ball is by third base? He leaves the field to go to the hospital, his little sister just had a heart attack.

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Nero, I can barely stay awake, can we chat more later today though? I would really enjoy that, and sleep before that.

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Why did the little girl fall from the swing? She's got no arms.

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Roses are blue Violets are red I'm bad at poetry Potato

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whats better then a pile of dead babies? 2 piles of dead babies

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Q: what did Don Draper do after he saw an attractive woman at the ABC store? A: went home and thought about her while drinking his scotch.

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If a tree fell in the forest, and no one was around to hear it, would you like a cupcake?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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