Your mom is so fat she probably has a body mass index of between 25 and 30 which is considered to be "overweight" but paradoxically is associated with fewer health risks by medical professionals.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Who gave Miley Cyrus her new haircut? Hellen Keller

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why couldn't Little Johnny read his 3rd grade novel? His was repeatedly stabbed in his eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

how did the fat man survive the plane crash? he didn't, he died like everyone else.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What happened when the Asain woman got in her car? A speeding drunk driver hit her and now she is paralyzed from the neck down.. Its a tragic story

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How do you make a 4 year old cry? You tell him all his family died in a horrible plane crash.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Q: How do you confuse a blond A: You don't they are born that way

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Chuck Norris threw a grendade, killed 50 people, then it exploded This is a highly improbable event considering no man is faster then a grenade

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did John name his dog? Doggy

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Person 1 - Have you heard about the movie about constipation? Person 2 - No. Person 1 - It hasn't come out yet

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did Helen Keller say to her friend? Nothing. If you didn't know, she was deaf and blind so she had to use Sign Language.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A man walks into a bar. He hits his head and dies.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Justin Beiber walks into a bar. The bartender does not serve him because he is not the legal drinking age yet.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Whats worse than seeing your family killed in front of your eyes? Not much to be honest

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's worse than one cat stuck in a tree? Getting raped

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Whats the difference between the Taliban and a Football Team? I'm not on the football team.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the policeman who's third wife just lost 20 pounds go to sleep? He was tired.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why didn't the Mother packed her son's lunch? Because her son Timmy likes to go to the canteen

thumb_up thumb_down +17

knock knock whos there? aids aids who? aids aids who? i dont go away

thumb_up thumb_down +17

why should you not go to sleep in public? Because that's how you get raped.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A blond was walking alone down a street one night. Then she was suddenly mugged and raped. She reported her attacker but he was never caught.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do you call a sober man driving a car? a designated driver

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops