A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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Hey i heard You were a wierd kid ooooooooooalskdfjaslkdfj

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A man walks into a bar holding a magic lamp. The bartender asks "what are you holding?" The man says "It's a magic lamp." The bartender looks at the man and scratches his head. It turns out the bartender has had a problem with lice in his hair. If you believe in a magic genie is going to grant any wishes you're reading the wrong story. Anyways, the bartender buys medicated shampoo and no longer has head lice. The guy with the magic lamp was totally worthless.

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So 2 guys are curious if there is baseball I heaven... So they say when either of them dies they have to come back as a spirit and tell the other man if there is baseball in heaven One of the guys dies and comes back as a spirit... He comes to the other man and says... I've got some good news and some bad news The man says what's the the good news? The spirit says the good news is there is baseball in heaven So the man says what's the bad news?? The spirit says... Your pitching Tuesday night!

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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

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Why do the children cry at dinner time? Becuase there mother forces them to eat her own faeces and takes pictures of them doing it and posts it on the internet.

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Anti deep thoughts, by Fabian Monge'. The other day while parked at a stop light i was looking in the rear view mirror at the person who was blowing his horn at me. I then realized that while i was looking back at him the light had been green for a while. I then thought that i had better drive forward because i was holding up traffic, and that it was very selfish of me to waste other peoples time like that while wondering what was going on behind me instead of what was happening in front of me. In the time it took for me to come to this conclusion, i had wasted another few seconds of someones time. How very selfish of me.....

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What did the homeless man's sign say? It didn't say anything. You had to read it.

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Knock Knock! F*ck off

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A horse walks into a bar. The barman says 'Why the long face?' The horse replies 'I've got AIDS.'

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Yo momma stank so bad, she might have a serious vaginal infection. You should take her to the hospital.

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Why couldnt the man buy food? Because.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, This is a poem, Whoop-dee-do.

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Why was chuck norris the anti christ? Christianity was being threatened....

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Once Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a guy so hard that he got a large bruise.

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Why couldn't the journal cross the street? Because there was a red light.

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What did the elephant say to the naked man? "Cute, cute, but can it pick up peanuts?"

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What do you call a girl who can run faster than me? Virgin

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What do you call your mom after she brings a guy home from a bar? A very caring woman because she doesn't want him driving drunk.

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HEYEEYAHEYAYYAEEAHHAAA

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I went to the principle's office because I had a hard time reading They tried to tell me I was lesdistic

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What happened to the child who's mother drank and took drugs while she was pregnant? Dead.

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Life

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Guest-knock knock (silence) Guest-hello is anyone there? no go away Guest-looks like there is no one here lets leave

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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