What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.

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Two hunters are out in the woods, one of them collapses on the ground and his eyes roll back in his head. His friend whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps,"I think my friend is dead, what do i do?" The operator says,"calm down lets first make sure he's dead." There's a silence, then a shot. Sadly the man was not dead but extremely tired and could not carry on without rest.

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What do you get when you cross a muffin with chocolate chips? A chocolate chip muffin.

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Haikus are easy But sometimes they don't make sense Refridgerator

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I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.

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What's better than winning a gold medal in the Paralympics? Not being retarded.

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Guy 1: Why did Captain Hook die? Guy 2: Because he wiped his anus with a hook? Guy 1: No, because everyone dies.

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How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, but the real question is why there are two flies having sex inside a light bulb.

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What did the farmer say to the duck? I don't know, but the duck doesn't give a f.....

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- Women have rights, aren't they? - Yes, they have.

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Why did the man open up a umbrella? Because it was raining..

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What did the kid say to the ice-cream Man Can I have a duck please

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God has lived since the eternal eternity right? And one day he said let there be light? NO WONDER HE IS SUCH A NEEDY GREEDY EVIL FUCK! HOW WOULD YOU FEEL AFTER AEONS ENDLESS IN TOTAL DARKNESS? Moral: It is time for the prince, to stand up as the emperor, then no one shall doubt the power of the moral man.

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Q: What happens when you divide by zero. A: You get a complex kind of infinite.

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what did the cow say to shabab?....... want some milk

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Roses are red, Violets are brown, F*** who's had a shit in my garden.

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An American, Mexican, and Chinese men are each asked to throw something off a cliff that they have too much of. The Chinese threw off rice. The Mexican threw off tacos. And the Americans.. Well.. They threw off the Mexicans.

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A horse walks into a bar. The barman asks "Why the long face?" The horse takes offense and replies "I was born like this."

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When lives gives you lemons you might just be dyslexic, because life cannot actually give you lemons

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Why couldn't Gladice get out of bed? Because she was dead!

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Q: How did the dead baby get to the other side of the road? A: I threw it over there.

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An artist walks into a bar and orders a rum and ckoe. The bartender reads the first sentence and realizes the artist is dyslexic and fixes him a rum and coke.

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roses are red, violets are blue, im not going out with someone that belongs in a zoo.

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Guess what else smells like tuna!?! A dead tuna fish in a can

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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