boy and girl are flipping a coin, coin lands on heads, boy: get down bitch

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What's the difference between a pessimist and a magnet? One is made of flesh and can talk, think and do things. The other is made of metal and can only pull things towards itself or push them away. But strangely, the latter is a lot more welcome in most situations.

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Why do fat people make such good slaves? They're too fat and lazy to escape. Unfortunately, if you want your slave to be fat, you actually have to feed it properly.

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You are basically asking if I care for you, care for me, and if this could put us both in risk... There is no picking at this stage, why would I use you?

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1d

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You've got more chins than a Chinese... Girl with a lot of chins, because she's so fat

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I love you

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penis likes vagina cuz its straight (get it?? it has an erection!!!!!!)

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Why did the black man break up with his white girlfriend? Because he didn't love her anymore.

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Q: Why Cant The T-Rex Clap? A: No, Its Not Because His arms are to short, Its because he's Dead You Idiot...

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Why did my penis cross the road? To get to the other vagina.

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a older brother and a lil brother have bunk beds, one night the older brother has his gf sneak over, they are going to have sex. he tells his gf, "say lettace for a new positon and say tomato for stop", they start and she screams, "lettace, tomato, lettace, tomato". then the lil brother says " will you guys stop making salad, ur getting mayonase all over my face!!!!"

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How many pianos does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change the lightbulb, and one to play a motivational tune.

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A man spoke in a high-pitched voice. Another man said "Are you gay" He responded, "Why, yes"

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Whats brown and sticky? A stick

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What's worse than 1 bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The Holocaust.

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How do you confuse a Muslim? - Rub his belly.

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How do you beat Princess Diana in a car race? Challenge Princess Diana to a car race.

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how do you get a nun pregnant? have unprotected SEX with her, resulting in expulsion from her convent

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Where do cows get cultured? They don't, they get slaughtered first.

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why did the guy throw his clock out the window? because he wanted to see a clock fall out the window

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What do you call a duck playing a trombone? Hallucinations

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Whats worse than being rapped by a giant scorpion. Being gangbanged by a couple giant scorpions

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What's the difference between a chicken and a bartender? A chicken is a domesticated fowl, a subspecies of the red junglefowl. As one of the most common and widespread domestic animals, with a population of more than 24 billion in 2003, there are more chickens in the world than any other species of bird. Humans keep chickens primarily as a source of food, consuming both their meat and their eggs. A bartender is a person who mixes and serves alcoholic drinks at a bar. also bar-tender ; 1836, American English,

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops