How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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Knock, knock! Who's there? Mary Mary who? Mary Smith.

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What did the elf say to Santa I'm not making any more toys fat ass.

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there r three guys on a bridge. They r chinese,mexican,&american. They each have a bottle of beer. The chinese dude says I have enough of this in my country and throws it over the bridge. Then the mexican says I have enough of this in my country and throws it over the bridge. The american takes a drink of his and sets it down he looks at the mexican and says I have enough of these in my country and throws the mexican over the bridge.

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Do they have a fourth of July in England? Yes, but it is just a sad reminder to them that all the cool people left for America.

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A black man shoots someone. He was a cop and he killed a dangerous man who attacked him.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What's more fun than throwing a dead baby off a cliff? Go-carts

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What is the biggest lie of 2011? "I do"- Kim kardashian

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what did timmy from southpark say after his warther melested him? TIMMY

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Q: Why does the black guy eat watermelon A: Because it's a delicious nutritious snack

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Let me guess, you where really ready to Not not tell me that.

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anus

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Your mamma's so dumb, we are seriously worried she might hurt herself.

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Help me I need to know how to cook a human fetus by tomorrow does anyone know any good recipes?

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Hey, I'm Schrödinger, and this is crazy! But here's a sealed box... the cat lives, maybe...

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hey bruno ta quoi ds ta boite a lunch aujourdhui? DU SABLE CRISS DE POVRE!

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What do you call a Serbian-Australian man with no arms, no legs, and two feet. Nick Vujicic

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why did the girl cross the road? to get away from you

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Chuck Norris once stared in a show called Walker: Texas Ranger.

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why did the chicken cross the road because it wanted to get hit by a car

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What did the Mexican guy say to the black guy? What? Nothing, he don't speak English

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How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb none, because chickens do not have opposable thumbs,therefore prevents them from preforming such a remedial task.

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Know what's funny? Jokes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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