A guy walks into a bar with a Donkey and a jar full of pennies. He walks up to the bartender and orders ten shots of whiskey. He was found dead the next morning from erotic asphyxiation.

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What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe? Rober-to. What do you call a black guy with a big toe? Tobe Bryant

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What do you get when you cross a chicken and a dinosaur? You can't. Dinosaurs are extinct.

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There is no "I" in "TEAM" However, there is a "T" an "E" an "A" and an "M"

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Q: Why does Bill Gates give so much money to charity? A: Because he wants to improve the lives of his fellow human beings, and also excessive wealth would be detrimental to his children.

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What did the man with a cold say when a jew walked into a bar? Hahaha you walked into a bar. What did the man with a cold say when a jew walked into a pub? AHH-JOOOOO!!!

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Q:Whats worse, being chased by a chainsaw or being dunked on by LeBron James? A:Since a chainsaw has one of the sharpest metal blades know to mankind, it would be the chainsaw. Although this reguires effort, it is a known fact that Lebron James has been dunked on by some kid at Xaiver, so I would think the chainsaw would hurt more.

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Why didn't the little boy wake up today? Because he's dead

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A farmer hears a knock at the door on a rainy night. He opens the door and welcomes an attractive young man in. The farmer gets his budding teenage daughter to fetch the man a towel. He dries himself off, thanks them both, and goes to bed. He's gone before anyone else wakes up and leaves a fifty on the table.

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Hello, this is Chuck Norris speaking.

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Someone: I like my coffee like I like my men Someone else: Black? Someone: No, tied up, shoved in a burlap sack, and dragged through the mountains.

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qairtfgaosuivdfvaesvfausertveastuvivwsevutaps9euitvasdiufhaseyvfousevatusaidcotaiuetsvwarvt qairtfgaosuivdfvaesvfausertveastuvivwsevutaps9euitvasdiufhaseyvfousevatusaidcotaiuetsvwaagouyevoqehertcuqiocetkuqvaewrtvlauh gtkgervt qairtfgaosuivdfvaesvfausertveastuvivwsevutaps9euitvasdiufhaseyvfousevatusaidcotaiuetsvwaagouyevoqehertcuqiocetkuqvaewrtvlauh gtkgervt qairtfgaosuivdfvaesvfausertveastuvivwsevutaps9euitvasdiufhaseyvfousevatusaidcotaiuetsvwaagouyevoqehertcuqiocetkuqvaewrtvlauh gtkgervt qairtfgaosuivdfvaesvfausertveastuvivwsevutaps9euitvasdiufhaseyvfousevatusaidcotaiuetsvwa

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Seriously, all your new jokes are shit. They are either repeats of stuff previously on the site or they are just so unfunny you'd struggle to get a sympathy laugh from your mother. Please actually take the time to think of something worth submitting or do not submit at all. We know people with no arms can't knock on doors enough now, and many things are better than the holocaust. Do something new!

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What did the ocean say to the other ocean????? What Nothing they just waved ???? Oh Do you sea what I did there ???? No I'm shore you did ???? By Erin

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A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says that there are no dogs allowed, but the man says that he is blind. So the man sits down with his dog and asks for a drink. The bartender decided to check to see if he was really blind, so he says, " Hey, do you know what time it is?" The blind man replies, "7 o'clock," The bartender says, "Ha! You said you were blind! Get out of..." but was interrupted by the man, who promptly said, "No, I'm deaf," and left.

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "why the long face?" The horse replies, "my wife has cancer."

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This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

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Anti deep thoughts, by Fabian Monge'. The other day while parked at a stop light i was looking in the rear view mirror at the person who was blowing his horn at me. I then realized that while i was looking back at him the light had been green for a while. I then thought that i had better drive forward because i was holding up traffic, and that it was very selfish of me to waste other peoples time like that while wondering what was going on behind me instead of what was happening in front of me. In the time it took for me to come to this conclusion, i had wasted another few seconds of someones time. How very selfish of me.....

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? It really depends on the make and model of the car, as well as the relative size and weight of the people in question, but legally you can only have as many people in the car as there are seatbelts available for them.

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frogs are green and grass is greener i just blew up ur mom and ur the cleaner now get to work SLAVE

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I supported my sisters decision to get an abortion. Still would have been cool to be a dad :/

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If a man is alone in the woods and there is no one there to tell he's wrong is he right? If a tree falls on a women.... Before we tell the rest why was there a tree I the kitchen?

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While out looking for sex last week I met a hooker who looked like a rhino. I said to her, "Do you charge?" She said, "Sir, I am arresting you under the Street Offences Act 1959. You do not have to say anything. But it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court."

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Q. How can you find true love? A. Google it...duh

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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