What do you call a women with 2 black eyes? Hopefully nothing because abuse is something that shouldn't be messed with and it is wrong.

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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A black man, a white man and an asian man jump off a building, which one will land first? Due to the equivalence principle, they will all land at the same time.

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What is the difference between Chuck Norris and a frog one wears pants and the Chuck Norris doesn't.

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What happened when the young child fell off of the swing? He broke open his head causing him to be sent to the hospital for 3 weeks.

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What do you do when a hispanic man takes your wallet? Ask him to please give the wallet back to you

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An American, a French man, and Jew were all in an airplane about to skydive. Their skydiving instructor comes out and says, "I'm sorry, there seems to've been a mistake and we only have two parachutes." The company refunds them, and they, while reasonably disappointed, agree to reschedule the lesson.

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What's the difference between girl scouts and boy scouts? Girl scouts are usually females and boy scouts are usually males.

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why are jews so cash hungry? because like the rest of us they are looking for a way to survive and feed their family.

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whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and the holocaust? A pile of dead babies isn't funny

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We found a cure for cancer. Death

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Whats sad about 4 blacks riding of a cliff in a cadilac. It was a rental.

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What did the sailor say to the shore? Ur a beach!

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Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry man passes, takes a look at the muffins lifts his shoulders and walks away. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin was poisoned. The now not so hungry and lost man looks at the dead camel and noticed the zoo is almost closing now. So he left in a hurry, to cook for his family.

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Whats Pink and fluffy? Yellow fluff thats been dyed pink :D

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I needed to write an article about heart disease so I did some research. I learned a lot.

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If you are American when you walk into a bathroom and American when you walk back out, what are you when you are inside the bathroom? You're probably dispelling waste products from your body.

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A paraplegic wheels himself into a bar. The barman asks, 'What can I get you?' 'Nothing,' replies the paraplegic, 'I've just pissed myself and I need you to help me clean myself up.'

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Legal Mexicans in Texas

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What happens when an old lady bumps into a black man in the middle of the night? He politely offers her help getting home and she accepts.

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What's the difference between a car and a sack of dead babies? I don't keep a car in my garage.

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What is green fuzzy and can kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table

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A man walks into a bar gets drunk passes out then goes to rehab because he has a problem

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops