Your life

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What would Abraham Lincoln do if he were alive today? Scream and scratch at the lid of his coffin.

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Magic! Well not really, you see, people that are stressed have the tendency to remain far longer into the state of hypnosis because their body conciously and subconciously (I am typoing it, but I cant bother to type it correctly fuck it) seek out the state of peace that hypnosis gives more often. Anyway, I know another thing that helps relieve stress, cough... Now, did you know that if you push your nose upwards slightly, you will feel a finger between your legs? its because nerve endings are connected that way, give it a go.

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Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? She didn't own a car.

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hi mom

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What did the butler say to the guest while his master is in the bathroom? Butler: "Sir, will you wait while the Master bathes?" Guest: "How long will he be, I'm quite busy!" Butler: "He shouldn't be long sir, he should be finishing up now."

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What was the difference between an Irishmen and a apple? Alot.

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Why did the mathematician go to jail? Because he killed his wife.

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What characterizes a good joke? The lack of a punch line.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive a train? Because she's blind.

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What's the difference between sand and menstral blood? I can't gargle sand

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A bear eats some honey. I'm not really sure why and I've never seen a bear eat honey in real life so I don't really know if the bear actually ate any.

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fjasdklfjklasdjfasdfk .... sorry i have terets!

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A Black guy and a Mexican are in a car. Who is driving? The black guy. Its his car.

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What's worse than being arrested by a cop? Dying of AIDS.

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Your mother is so fat that when she sits around the house she is likely to be there for some time.

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The chicken crossed the road.

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Q: If a hen-and-a-half can lay an egg-and-a-half in a day-and-a-half, how long would it take a peg-legged grasshopper to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle? A: He'd give up.

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What did the banana say to the tree? Nothing, bananas can't talk

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If life throws you melons, you should do your best to avoid them. Large and hard objects such as melons can easily harm you if moving at high speeds. Fortunately, life is not a physical entity that can throw melons or anything else - so the chances of this event occurring to you are exceedingly low.

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Why could susan not get up? Because her limbs were hacked off by a African militia group.

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What did the white guy say when a black man punched him? Ow, i am sueing for assault. that is a crime

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Why was the Jew sad Because it was Christmas.

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"This is defamation!" proclaimed the Fox, as he sat in the panels of the courtroom. "I attest, with full honesty, Your Honor, that never have I said any of the allegations the two defendants have quoted upon me." He looked with contempt at the Ylvis brothers, who sat at the other end of the room. "I say, Your Honor," he continued, "that I never, ever in my entire life, said 'Gering-ding-ding-dingerdingerding', to which I am willing to testify."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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