A duck walks into a bar. The duck walks over to the bartender and orders a beer. "put it on my bill." he says. The bartender angrily grabs the duck and kicks him out of the bar, because the duck has done this many times, but has never once paid his bill to the bar. The duck is an alcoholic and is slowly ruining his relationship with his family.

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Why did 'Mister Love' get arrested? Clue: One of the most ironic things ever You can guess

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Keep Scrolling Penis Keep scrolling Keep scrolling

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Person 1: Ask me if i'm a tree. Person 2: Are you a tree? Person 1: No.

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What did a policeman say to his belly? Nothing. Because he knows his belly is incapable of speech.

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What do you call a fish with no fins? Dead.

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Yo' momma so fat she buys clothingthat is bigger than most other people's clothing

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What did Batman say to Robin after they got on the bus? We should have taken the batmobile.

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This is Nero, the guy striving a bit with the fact that he killed his mother in order to save his wife a month or so before Christmas: cathphra is Exceedingly well read, I say than you. I had a nightmare tonight, my parents where serving tomato soup, while my mother made great food (despite the fact they discovered that it was not angel dust she used, but large quantities of opiate that would have killed an elephant) But this time they served me dry tomato soup (that from packages) and a bowl of lukewarm soup. I asked: How am I supposed to mix this? They both gave me the look of "here comes a beating" I started calling my mother many things that horsehead network sensors, then my father grabbed my neck and tried to twist my head off (and in this dream, rather than in reality, he actually succeeded) but I somehow managed to remain alive. Then I yelled in english: THIS IS BECAUSE I KILLED YOU! I HAVE NO SOUL TO TAKE! Only then I realized it was a dream and woke up...You know, because my parents never spoke English so they would not have understood me... I have a broken vertebrae in my neck to prove that my father tried quite hard to break my neck in reality at least... Yeah, I am mostly over it, I killed my father when he tried to break my neck because I kept scatching my ortopedic arm while studying (real arm which my mother cut off and then proceeded to beat me up with funny story actually) Then killed my mother years later when she stabbed my girlfriend induced under what turned out to be a heavy dose of opiates, and paralgin forte (which main ingredent is... you guessed it MORE opiates).

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What happens when three blind mice go our looking for food? They die because of the mouse traps the owners have because they are tired of loosing food to the mice.

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What super hero did they choose to be on the Blue Jays' team? Batman!

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What did the cool guy say to Kelly Clarkson? Nothing, she's fat.

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why couldn't the blonde change the lightbulb? she couldn't find the leperchaun at the end of the rainbow

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Knock knock ? Who's there ? Ipe Ipe who ? You sick basterd !

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A bear and a furry bunny rabbit were in the woods. The bear ate the rabbit..

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What happened to to dyslexic giraffe that tripped over a brick. It got back up.

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What do you get when you watch Cinderella backwards? A woman who learns her place.

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Why did the Teacher cry? Because he was sad.

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Listen Erron, what`s wrong? I would have told you to go fuck yourself if it where not for the fact that AzureDragon just left for the cafeteria and is nowhere to be seen.

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Come on children, don't dawdle.

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What's cute and smokes? A cute person with a nicotine addiction.

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Q: why was the man punched in the face? A: I did like him.

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A Mormon walks into a bar.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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