Have you ever had Ethiopian food?

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did the clock say to the book? I have no batteries.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the black guy not tip his pizza driver? Because he didn't order pizza.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Q: What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? A: Being caught by the store manager, arrested, convicted, and thrown into jail for petty theft and then getting anally raped for the next 3 months all because you wanted to check an apple without paying for it.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Knock Knock. Who's There. Teenage Pregnancy

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why don't women wear watches? In the technological age we live in, the watch is rapidly being replaced with other electronic devices that tell time, such as cell phones or iPods.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the chicken cross the road ? To get to the other side Why did the lollipop cross the road ? It was stuck to the chicken's head Why did the chicken commit suicide ? He couldn't get the lollipop off its head

thumb_up thumb_down +19

why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a date-rapist

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What did the Catholic Priest say to Chris Hanson? Nothing. He attempted to flea, and was quickly taken down by law enforcement. He was then detained and processed and charged with Intent to commit statutory rape with a minor under the age of 14. He's still awaiting trial.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What did the homeless man get for Christmas? I don't know, why don't you go ask him?

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What's funnier than a dead baby? An episode of 'Friends'.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Always put punctuation at the end of your sentence

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Where did Susie go during the bombing? EVERYWHERE

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why was the dog crying? Because his owners hated him and called him stupid.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Osama Bin Laden

thumb_up thumb_down +19

im gunna build a lego house what shud i make it out of

thumb_up thumb_down +19

your friend is gay, but you are not. nothing happens

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do you call a blue bucket? A blue bucket. What do you call a red bucket? A blue bucket in disguise.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why was the boy not feeling well? He swallowed a piano.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What is the difference between apple and android? Apple makes fruit and android candy

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's the difference between a poodle and a noodle? Scaboodle!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the pervert cross the road? His dick was stuck in the chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did susie fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms... Why didn't she get up? She didn't have any legs... Why didn't anyone help her? She didn't have any friends. Then she died

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops