There is a young boy called Clive, and his dad asks him what he wants for his birthday: "I would like one yellow golf ball please dad" he said. Of course, his father was quite surprised by his son's request, but nevertheless, he got him a yellow golf ball for his birthday. A few years later, clive does amazingly well at school and gets all As in his final exams. Filled with pride and love for his son, his father says to him: "I can't begin to tell you how proud i am of you, Clive. In fact, you can have a preasant! What do you want?" Clive thinks for a moment. "i would like one hundred yellow golf balls please!" His father was a bit annoyed at his strange request, but neverrtheless, gave Clive his yellow golf balls. A few years later, Clive wins the gold medal at the olymics for the 100m sprint. His father is very proud: "Son, i am so happy about the way you've turned out. You make me so proud. Is there anything you want me to do for you?" "can i have 1000 yellow golf balls please" Now his father got annoyed, he thought Clive was taking the piss. Eventually though, he calmed down and got clove the golf balls. Unfortunatley, Clive gets diagnosed with a deadly disease. His father is heartbroken. And as clive is lying on the hospital bed, his father moves close and speaks to him. "Son" he said, tears welling up in his eyes, "I just want to ask you one thing." "Ok," Clive said, as he too started to get emotional. "Why on earth did you want all those golf balls?" Clive looked deep into his father's eyes, as he took his last breath said: "I wanted them because- ack -splutter- ack" And he died.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Roses are red Violets are tits I like tits Tits

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Not doing your Webtime on a Friday!!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Jesus was a good guy

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why do girls wear perfume? Because they smell and they're ugly

thumb_up thumb_down +18

If a quiz is a quizzical what is a test? A testicle

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Me: Why are red onions actually purple..? Dad: I don't know Sister: *sarcastic* Well, Why is it rainy in London? Me: ....Because that's the weather pattern.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A man rode into town on Friday and stayed a while and then left on Friday how did he manage this?

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What would you do for a klondike bar? I'm allergic to milk.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did Hayden Bryant walk down the street? Because he can, dont doubt Hayden Bryant.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

2 black guys are riding in a car, whos driving? The cops.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

why did the chicken cross the road? because the chicken had enough of life and wanted to commit suicide due to recent tragic events such as his cheating wife, his druggie son, his prostitute daughter, losing his home, and getting fired

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A horse walks into a bar, and a man says "Hey, why the long face?" The horse calmly turns to him and replies, "Because I'm a horse you drunk moron."

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Knock Knock Whos there? It's me your mom you dumbass and let me in

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What is difference about : Pizza and Jews on the Holocaust? Pizza don't scream when she gets into the oven!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What does a Jewish man do when he sees a new car? Doesn't buy it because he puts his money in a fund.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What number is funnier than 23? 24.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

do want to hear a joke? Women's rights

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the man have a bad day? Well first of all, his wife left him, then his two kids both committed suicide, then a large falcon pecked at him genital area. After that he proceeded to be hit by a car, and soon after he was hit by a bus. Following this, his corpse was raped by a transvestite pig, and then finally his spirit got hit by a plane on its way up to heaven, knocking it to Hell.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

If 2 trains are going 60 mph, their going in opposite directions towards each other, they are slowing down 1 mile per hour per 10 miles and they are 100 miles away, would you rather have Coke or Pepsi?

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What is the difference between a shark and a human? A shark is a type of fish with a full cartilaginous skeleton and a highly streamlined body and a human is the only living species in the Homo genus.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why didn't the Mexican dwarf eat his taco? Well, he actually started, but his stomach was not big enough to finish. So, he gave half to his friend who gladly accepted the free meal.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What did the fish say when it hit a wall? Nothing. Fish cannot talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

How many dead babies does it take to paint the side of a building? I don't know, it depends on how hard you throw them.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops