Q: How did the robber steal a laptop from best buy? A: With his hands

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What do you call it when the sh*t hits the fan? The sh*t hits the fan.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

knock knock who's there? to to who? to whom*

thumb_up thumb_down +26

what did the blind deaf orphan get for christmas? cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What does it mean if you have 5$ and Chuck Norris has 5$? Congrats! You both have five dollars!

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did the boy get hit by the bus? He didn't check both sides before crossing

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Honestly though bud, are you wasted? XD

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What did grandma receive for her 75th birthday? Alzheimer's.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A man made a sandwich.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

why did sally fall off the swing? because she was a fish.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

If a tree falls down in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does God exist?

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What's blue and orange at the bottom of a swimming pool? A dead baby, why's it there? I popped the arm bands.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

a potato flew around my room

thumb_up thumb_down +24

So a guy walks into a bar. He asks the woman next to him, ''Can I buy you a drink?'' The woman says,''No thank you.''

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A man came home one day, drunk and feeling horny. He proceeded to the bedroom where he found his wife just getting into bed in a lace bra and sexy underwear. This turned him on even more so he cuddled up to her and whispered seductivly in her ear before kissing her neck. His wife was not in the mood for sex so she shot him

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why do Jewish people have such big noses? The nucleotides in their DNA are strung together in a certain sequence that makes them have large noses.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How do you help a chronic drug addict? Buy him or her more drugs. They NEED it.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What is another way to call a procrastinator? Avery annoyed and bored child who does not want to do her homework and is looking up many different anti-jokes for a laugh. You know who you are...

thumb_up thumb_down +22

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCM8MQg1bn9y38H8Irhuxx-g

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A horse walks into a bar... The bartender is amazed at the fact that an animal that possesses neither the mental nor the physical abilities to open doors, still managed to enter the bar without breaking anything.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What do you get if you cross a Kangaroo and a Sheep? They are too entirely different species and cannot be crossbred.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What do you call it when you kill a Jewish homosexual? Murder.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why was 6 afraid of 7 Because 7 was a registered 6 offender

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops