Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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Roses are red. Violets are red. Everything is red. I soaked it in the blood of small children.

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2 black guys and a Mexican are in the backseat of a car. Who's driving. The cops

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Wanna hear something half funny 34.5

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See you ******* dogface! All right? You're a compulsive *********** sit on that swivel! Stop swearing!

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What's worse than getting hit by an arrow in the knee? Being kidnapped for 10 years and finally getting free only to find out your whole family was murdered by the person who kidnapped you.

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What do you call a lawyer who came from the ghetto? Someone who did quite well for themselves despite coming from a tough area.

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Shortest Joke in the World? Well, just look down.

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Why was jimmy crying? He had a frog stapled to his face

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A person walked into a bar, he saw it was the wrong bar so he leaves...

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Knock knock. Who's there? You're adopted.

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A student goes up to the teacher because he has to go to the washroom. The teacher tells him that he has to sing the ABC's before he can go. So the boy sings, "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ." The teacher said he did a perfect job and could go to the washroom. The boy went on to become a billionaire. Congrats!

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Yo momma's so fat and thank god because I'm a chubby chaser.

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Why do they call it a clock radio?... because it's both.

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If a tree falls in the woods, and no one is around to hear it - Is there still a woman in the kitchen?

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

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What did the teacher tell the failing student? You will most likely be kicked out of our school and have no further education and be subjected to a low-level career.

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What do you call someone with no legs? whatever their name is, physical appearance should have no bearing on someones title.

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The duck says do you smell poop. Ya says the chicken, it wasn't me It was the turkey

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick

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There are two types of people in this world. People who can count, and people who can't.

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What do you call a dog with no arms or legs? It doesn't matter what you call him. He won't come.

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whats the difference between a Jew and Santa Santa's magical.

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Congratulations you just won a greencard to the USA! YES YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT! WELCOME TO: UNCLEAN SOUTH ARABIA. Press green thumb below = greencard. no srslsy.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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