What's worse than getting one of your hands cut off? Getting both of your hands cut off.

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How can you tell if your wife is dead? She no longer has a pulse.

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whats better than a dead baby..... wait..... whats worse than a dead baby...... never mind its not that funny anymore

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What time is it? 10:58

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Q. Why did the man fall off his bike? A. He was hit by a canoe.

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Bobby walked into a bar. He was then escorted out of the bar and arrested because he was underage.

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What did the patient say when the doctor told him he had aids? "Oh my god. Are you sure?"

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How much does a polar bear weigh? It depends on gender and environment, but a fully grown, adult, male polar bear weighs from 800 to 1600 pounds.

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What's white and sticky? A sticky polar bear.

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What is brown and sticky? The substance used to line your stomach when getting your stomach pumped.

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Whats worse than living with cancer? Dieing of cancer.

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My neighbor's kid was running around yelling magical spells. I said "Wow, you really want to be like Harry Potter, don't you?". He said "Yes!". So, I killed his parents and locked him under the stairs.

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Why did the boy hate his bicycle and soccer ball he got for Christmas? The boy didn't have legs. He also hated sports. By the way he was black but that doesn't matter, he still hated sports. Who in the right mind would give a cripple inappropriate toys? Probably a racist Santa Claus. Oh by the way, Santa Claus is not real. So did they return the presents after the boy found out what it was? Yes, and it turns out the boy got a guitar and piano instead. Too bad the boy is also deaf.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The holocaust.

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An attractive naked woman walks into a bar. Everyone is surprised, and all the straight men, gay women and bi-sexual men and women in the bar are sexually aroused.

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why was the man masturbating? his wife needed a break

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No

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Why did the hedgehog cross the road? To return to its nest.

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what happened to the drug addict? he go high

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What is really hard around Kim Kardashian? Diamonds.

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What walks on four legs in the morning, two in the afternoon, and one in the evening? A dog that plays in traffic all day.

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why is your hair black? it was heretitery.

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Whats black and hangs from the my tree? A tire swing.

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Why did the girl fall out of the swing? Because she had no arms. They were lost in a tractor accident.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops