How many fingers am i holding up? none, my hand got blown off in Vietnam

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So a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. They order some wine and have an enjoyable evening.

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Two girls are in a car together. The one in the drivers seat is texting while driving. The girl in the passengers seat notices this and tells her the she should put it away in case of a risk of a collision. She apologizes and puts it away and the two of them drive to the store unharmed and continued their normal day.

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What happened to the woman who walked down a dark alley way? She found a lolly.

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Nero, I am happy to hear from you again, but it kinda sounds like you are going to get yourself killed or something. Is there something else I can do? If that asshole is suffering, kill him after he is done doing it, I am done with that piece of shit. Honestly, what is going on Nero? You are not going to suicide or something are you? Please respond, right away, or I wont call your wife.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I've got a smoke dectecter, You died in a fire

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yo mama soooooooooooo fat that she should be concerned of the incressed risk of dibties

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Why did a kid throw a clock out the window? Because he was adopted

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What's disabled and red all over. The kid I hit with my car.

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Three muffins are walking next to each other in the dessert. The muffin on the right says "Hey now it's my turn to walk in the middle!"

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Some chocolate and a new DVD.

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What do you say to a whore with two black guys? How much an hour?

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A women gets a call saying her only daughter is trapped inside a burning building. She runs as fast as she can too her car before she realizes... women can't drive due to their role in society, so she returned to the kitchen and continued to make her master's sandwhich.

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Yo mama's like Darfur: Everyone feels bad for her, but nobody offers any substantial assistance.

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What do the Africans have for breakfast? Nothing.

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What do you get when you put two landsharks together? Three landsharks.

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Mr Mac reminds me that no matter how hard you try you will always lose your hair

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Bob: I have a funny knock knock joke, but you have to start it. Joe: Ok. Knock Knock. Bob: Who's there? Joe: Uhhhhhhh Bob: Exactly.

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LOVING BIRD DIEING BIRD DO NOT FLY AWAY

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2 guys at a funeral. "did you know the girl?" asks one of the guys. "No" replies the other. "Me neither."

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What happens if you don't stop, drop, and roll? Astigmatism.

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Why is the man's nose bleeding? Because I punched him in the nose. He looked at me funny.

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How does a black man get down the stairs? He walks.

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what does a buttler put in a closet ? stuff.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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