A teenage girl walks into a bar. She sits down and watches the TV up against the wall. The bartender walks by and says "Hello, do you have I.D." The girl says "No, I'm just here waiting for my ride." The bartender then says "Well I'm sorry to have to tell you this but you gotta be 21 or over to sit in the bar." The girl says "Okay, but is there anywhere I can wait that is safe?" The bartender asks "Why?" and the girl replies "Well, I've been hiding from my ex boyfriend. I just broke up with him an hour ago. He was very controlling and he is still not over me. So now I'm here waiting for my new boyfriend." The bartender says "What you have a new boyfriend already? Maybe that's why your ex was angry." The girl says "yeah, I know, oh look there's my ride. It was nice talking with you, have a good night."

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile? Robin, get in the Batmobile.

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A man is on a military operation, he dies and has a funeral.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was forced to against his will by a group of marauding ninjas who happened to be strolling by at the time.

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A man walks into a butchers and asks for a loaf of bread the butcher replies " no im a butcher" The man says " its ok my bikes outside"

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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Two members of the KKK walk into the bar into a bar. The bartender asks, "what do you think of Obama?" One of the KKK members says "he is my President, I respect him."

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why did the teacher quit her job and become a musician? Because her class was very mean to her and growing up she had always wanted to play music

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Q: How do you kill a Brazilian Blind Electric Ray? A: Killing endangered species is a crime.

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Ask me if I'm a tree "are you a tree?" No

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A cow and a whale are swimming in the sea when they both realize this is Vietnam and they were really chimps

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Q: What do you do when the light burns out A: Just replace it with a bulb from a less used room

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boling water: why is it taking so long for you to get hard? egg: sorry, it's just because i recently got laid by a chick.

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why can't dead peaple have sex? because they're dead.

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a man was cooking a tortilla. what did he say when he dropped it while flipping the tortilla? oops i dropped my tortilla

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What do you call a rapist who uses condoms and excessive lubricant? A Rapist.

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Why did the little girl fall of the cliff? Someone pushed her

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A kid goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor! it hurts when I do this!" The Doctor says, "Well, because you have been diagnosed with ALD, and to make matters worse you are allergic to rapeseed oil" The child then cries because he will never live past 40 years old

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What have you got there? Hitler's gas bill... Oh.. don't show him that, he'll be furious Whys that? He can't read.

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What did Jesus say to the jews? Fuck you.

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How many men does it take to change a light bulb? One.

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Knock Knock. GO AWAY!

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A grasshopper walks into a bar and no one notices because it's just a little insect.

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Why do black people make the best milkshakes? because they use the finest ingredients

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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