A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some Chap-stick, and put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because, as all people know, ducks cannot speak. However, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting a prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chap-stick anyway, since he has no lips.

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There were 3 men on a rough each granted one wish to make. The first guy sees a bird and runs and jumps off the ledge and wishes to be a bird and he flies away. The second guy sees a butterfly so he too runs and jumps off the ledge and wishes to be a butterfly and flies away. The third guy telling himself those were all stupid wishes, makes up his mind what he is going to wish for so he runs to the ledge and just after he says "I wish to be" he trips on the ledge and says, "shit!" So his wish was granted and shit he became. The End.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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Why did little Bobby put a firecracker in the dog's ass? Don't worry he used lube.

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What happens to the blond when she reaches the top of the stairs She falls down them

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What did the kid with no legs get for Christmas? A new pair of shoes

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A man arrives at his work late, his boss says "why are you late?" Then man replys "...................." he was dead.

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THIS ONE TIME MY DOG ATE A WHOLE CHEESECAKE

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Why did the boy jump off a cliff Because he was gay and committed suicide

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Granny porn!

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knock knock! who's there? me.(walks away...)

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Whats worse than forgetting your first homework assignment of the new school year? Being hazed on the first day of school to the point where you seriously consider suicide

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How did the mom quiet her screaming baby? She threw it out the window.

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What's the difference between a ferrari and pile of dead babies? I don't have a ferrari in my garage.

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like if u think princess kenny is the fairest maiden in all the land. if u dont, disregard this message.

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What is the difference of The United States and 10 pounds of shit? Well,considering there are 50 united states,we would take 10 away from 50 for a total of 40. A very simple subtraction problem indeed.

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what did Shivank say to Ricky? "you suck dick" HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH

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Why can't Timmy go on any rollercoasters? Because he's morbidly obese and it would a safety hazard.

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Why is 13 the most hated number? 13 is Jewish.

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What's easier than taking candy from a baby? Almost nothing.

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Whats brown and a fag? A bundle of sticks

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know I'm not a bird physcologist

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Why did the fish look like a human? Because it was a person, drowning.

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Q. What does FIAT stand for? A. Frenzied Italian At Traffic-lights.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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