Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Chickens are not smart enough to open a gate and avoid traffic at the same time!

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Why did the rapper carry an umbrella? Because the weather report said there was a 90% chance of rain, and he didn't want to get his posh new coat wet on the way to the studio

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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What's the difference between a plumber and a gynecologist? One has a knowledge of piping system of a house and the ability to fix said pipes and the other has the medical knowledge of a women's vagina.

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What do you call a white man? A caucasian male.

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Boy: Your father must be an alien, because there’s nothing else like you on earth! Girl: *whispering* please don't tell anyone we are trying not to be noticed...

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What is the difference between a dog and pile of dead babies? One of them is alive.

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Jewwy Jewstein

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What was the little boys least favorite part of Christmas? Getting raped by his uncle.

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What did the little boy say to his cat? Masturbate on my moms corpse.

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What's brown and sits in the woods? Winnie's poo

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I love animals . But the ASPCA soon put a stop to that .

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Q: Why did the little boy drop his toy? A: He fell and broke his wrist, then dropped it in the emergency room, due to the broken wrist.

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whats nun plus nun two nuns haha!! from jarod :}

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What does a squirrel get when it rains? It gets wet.

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What do you call cheese that's mine? My cheese

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Once upon a time, your dog got hit by a car this morning

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Two Mexicans were sitting in the back of a car. They were carpooling to save gas.

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What do Vladimir Putin and a snake have in common? A central nervous system, to name but one of the many biological similarities.

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Why did John not like his chocolate? It wasn't chocolate it was poop.

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What is worse than ten dead babies nailed to a tree? The holocaust.

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Why is Dave's baby dead? Because his wife threw it into the path a Big-rig.

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What do you call a man with a limp? A limping man.

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Knock knock whose there alzheimers alzheimers who get in the van

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops