how do you make a little boy cry? Kill his parents in front of him .

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A. Treadmil

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I scream, you scream, we all scream when we're chased by bears.

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Set up Punch line.

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so a piece of grass is walking down the street..... wait a minute thats not right.

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what do you call a black man in a police car? either officer or offender, depending on what role he has in the crime.

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Whats from Hattersley? Someone who lives in Hattersley.

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What's orange and fluffy? Orange Fluff

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Why are pineapples yellow? 82, piano, bomb, lamp!

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A cowboy rides out to the middle of nowhere and then shoots his horse. He then makes his way back into town and meets a man in the saloon. The man says, "On second thought, I'd like to buy that horse."

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Why couldn't little Susie ride her bicycle? She had Cerebral Palsy.

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What is the first thing you should do when a person is choking? Make sure the person is choking How can you tell if a person is choking? If he's going like this: aaghh gaghhg agghhh gaghhhhh ghghaghghgh

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Two hunters are in the woods. One of them clutches his chest, falls to the ground, and loses consciousness. In a panic, the other hunter calls 911 and tells the operator that his friend might be dead of a heart attack. The operator says "Before we send a coroner instead of an ambulance, first make sure he's dead." The hunter says "Alright." There is a pause and then BLAM! "Okay," says the hunter, "now what?" The operator follows standard procedures to keep the hunter on the phone, lucid and calm. 45 minutes later, police reach the scene, arrest the hunter and begin a months-long investigation. Forensics determines that the dead hunter was likely alive prior to being shot in the face at point-blank range. The defendant is charged with first-degree murder and receives a 30-year sentence. On the 9th year of his sentence, he is stabbed in the chest 6 times by an initiate in a rival prison gang and dies the next day. He was 53.

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Q: Why does the man smell so bad? A: He doesn't shower

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Why did the black man run out of the shop with items under his jacket? He was shopping for groceries, when his brother texted him, letting him know that his wife had just gone into labour. He then realised that it was a very miserable rainy day outside and he didn't have an umbarella, so he payed for his items, and ran to his car.

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What did the policeman say to the man robbing the bar? Stealing is wrong. Then the police read the man his Miranda laws.

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What's long and black? A black hockey stick.

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How many rich men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, to hire an electrician to do it for him.

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Q: How do you keep a carnival fish for more than a week? A: Place it in formaldehyde when you get home

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What do you say to a rock? Meow

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?" The horse says "my wife has cancer"

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A man walks into a bar. What does he say? A: Ow.

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What did the cow say to his family before he left the house? goodbye, because he was going to the slaughter house to get killed for meat

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A woman went for a midnight jog. She's been missing for 12 years now.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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