While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPFTeHEsAS4 You will not be disappointed.

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What do you call a man running around town with no clothes on? Naked.

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Why did the man have a bad day? Well first of all, his wife left him, then his two kids both committed suicide, then a large falcon pecked at him genital area. After that he proceeded to be hit by a car, and soon after he was hit by a bus. Following this, his corpse was raped by a transvestite pig, and then finally his spirit got hit by a plane on its way up to heaven, knocking it to Hell.

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Random link time! http://www.booksie.com/thrillers/novel/declan_mckimm/pure-evil

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Why did the little girl miss 7 straight days of school? She died.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? A shocking example of the cruelty suffered by animals at hands of humanity.

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Why are kids with Aspergers Syndrome always banned from Mcdonalds? Let me repeat that: Ass Burgers.

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a house? A: babies lack the intelligence and motor skills to accomplish such a task so it is not practical to hire them for a painting job.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Which is rather deceiving, Considering that the name 'violet' should naturally insinuate that the object it is describing is violet as well. Violet as a color is generally a deep shade of purple. Therefore, shouldn't the aforementioned plant, the 'violet', be violet in color as opposed to the blue color that is most widely accepted by the general populous?

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Kyle is consistently sexually harassed by a woman while at work. Everything is fine.

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What did the tractor say to the farmer? Nothing, tractors don't talk

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Steve asks Dave if he likes fish sticks. Dave says yes. Steve asks Dave if he likes to put fish sticks in his mouth. Dave says yes again. They both agree to buy some, prepare them, and eat them, as fish stick are tasty, convenient, and mildly nutritious.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 commited statutory rape on a younger 5, gang banged 8 with 10 and 11, murdered 9, and was sentenced to jail for life.... eventually the case was dropped and 7 was let out early for community service. He told 6 he was coming for him 6 months later.... 6 was so terrified he didn't know what to do... he was living in fear... eventually he commited suicide by jumping off a cliff just off the coach of Palm Beach into the pacific ocean. His body was never found His family didnt get to say good bye... This is why 6 was afraid of 7

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Do you want to hear a shit joke? Stuart.

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so a man goes to jurrasic park and sees two dinosaurs fighting. he shits himself.

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what happened when the shoe turned into a shoe.......... nothing, it was a raisin

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Roses are red Violets are blue Wrong. Violets should be purple.

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I'm Ryan Dunn, and this is a 120 mph car crash

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What did Nick Comado say to the black person? Hello I live at 317 North 12th Street, Beech Grove, Indiana, USA. PLEASE come murder me and my family

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why does big tom run the dock because he knows how to speak to skiiers

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Why couldnt the old man ski? There was no snow.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He has to on his commute to work. He is a taxpaying citizen who does his 8-5 job to try and cut out a decent living for his wife and kids, so stop questioning the route that he takes to get to work.

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What do you call a mormon in a red jumpsuit covered in black spots? Proper terminology for this scenario has not been yet made

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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